Words I've Never Spoken

Dear Dawson

Dear Dawson,

I want to be the girl you see. The girl that is smart, kind, caring, brave, strong, and independent. But I'm none of those things. I'm not smart. I'm not kind. I'm not caring. I'm not brave. I'm not strong. But I sure as hell am independent.

I remember the first day I met you. Sebring International Raceway's weekly drag races. Redneck drunken assholes would come together to show off who has the better cars. 

I felt so alone. Sitting there with a family that wasn't truly mine. Faking a laugh every time my 'father' would try to make a joke. I looked around trying to find a friendly face. 

I silently prayed that I could get out of there and have a conversation with someone my age. I prayed to get away from the man who made my life a living hell. I prayed that I would make a friend. Then you walked up behind us.

I debated for a good 20 minutes if I should start a conversation or not. I eventually said fuck it and turned around to talk to you. I was awkward as hell, but I introduced myself and got your snapchat. 

Since then, I have realized that you and I have so much in common. 

Since then, you have become my best friend. 

It has only been 3 months, but I feel like I've known you my whole life. Whenever something bad happens, you are the first person that I turn to. When I become super stressed with school, I text you. When I'm feeling down and it's as if the world is against me, I talk to you. 

When I found out that my grandfather was in the hospital, you were the first person I told. When I was crushing on this guy and he asked me out, you were the first to know. When I was starting to lose faith in God, you helped prove to me he was there. When I feel alone and broken and I'm done dealing with life, you give me a reason to keep fighting. When I was heartbroken, you were there for me. When I was freaking out about classes, you calmed me down. When I was about to let my wrath rain down upon someone who did me wrong, you talked me out of it. 

I trust you with my secrets.

I trust you with my fears. 

I trust you with my dreams.

I trust you with my life.

I just trust you.

Sincerely, 

Mandi