Sorry, Corporal (Levi x Reader)

Chapter 10

{{Trigger warning - Self-harm in this chapter}{By the way you don't get to the full reason why she's upset until the next chapter ;) Enjoy!}}

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"Riley... You... NO!" You storm out of the room into the bathroom and bury your face in your hands after locking the door. You start crying and shaking your head.

'I can't lose you too, please.. You're all I have left!'

Memories of your mother's corpse on the floor in your lounge come flooding back, and the abuse.

'But you did the same thing to him.'

You keep crying until you hear a light banging on the door.

"(f/n)... (f/n), let me in." The familiar, comforting voice of Levi came through the door, but you just shook your head.

"Go away, Levi.. Not now." You hear a sigh, and then hear him slide down the door on the other side. He knows it's useless trying to argue with him.

You suddenly get the urge again. Your eyes widen, and you shake your head.

"No no no no no no! Now's not a good time.. Come on... No.. Please.." You whimper.

"(f/n)?" You hear Levi's concerned voice on the other side of the voice.

"I'm fine, just.. Leave me alone." You hear a sigh, but no movements.

'Shit. Okay, you're gonna have to be quiet or he'll hear you.'

You sigh, still crying, but giving in to the urge. You'd been clean since you were fifteen too.. 4 years. That's a long time. Just this once though, you missed seeing the scars too, feeling the pain. Even though the faded lines were still there, they weren't noticeable unless you looked for them, and even then it was hard. It was so relieving though, and yet you'd stayed clean for-... Riley. He'd ... He'd freak if he found out, and you didn't need to at the time... But, whether it was because you'd been clean for so long, or because you could bear losing Riley, the urge came back strong.. stronger.

Reluctantly you get up and search through the cabinet above the sink until you find a razor.

'Perfect..' You think as you gently ease the blade out of the razor. 'Not a lot... Okay? Just a little.'

You hoped a few cuts would be enough, but you weren't sure.

'Here goes nothing..'

You sit back down against the bath as you roll up your sleep and neatly slash across your forearm a few times, starting to feel relaxed as the blood oozed out. You hadn't cut deep, only enough to make it bleed but still feel relieving. You let it bleed for a while, not making anymore cuts. There were 4 slashes across your arms; not particularly big.

But the urge was still there. You'd never gone deep, but you were used to the pain of your flesh being cut. You did another two slashes, but deeper this time causing you to let out a very small whimper, but Levi seemed to have vulcan-hearing, so he heard. You hear him stand up and starting thumping on the door, clearly knowing that it was a whimper of pain, not sadness.

"(f/n)? (f/n), open this door right now or I swear to god I'll break it the fuck down myself." He growls. The feeling had subsided by now, and you start to panic as the blood trickles down your arm.

"(F/N)! LET ME IN!" You start crying again, hearing him throwing himself against the door, trying to bust it open. You sigh.

"Levi, not now.."

"(F/N), LET ME THE FUCK IN!" You hear footsteps outside the door, so you're guessing either Riley or Paps was there too, or both.

'Shit..'

You quickly rinse off your arm, knowing the door won't hold for much longer. You get a towel and dampen it, pressing it firmly onto your arm to try and stop the bleeding, but it's not working fast enough.

You hear Levi sigh and stop for a breather, but just as quickly as he stops he starts again, and on his 3rd attempt after restarting, the door gives way and he stumbles in, ignoring the aching pain in his shoulder. He rushes to your side, his gaze then drifting down to the towel that was now filling with blood. He holds you closer as you cry into his chest. Paps just looks at you with a face of pity, and Riley looks shocked, scared and guilty. Paps was there for you when you first started cutting, and was the one that got you to stop. You were too afraid to tell anyone else, so it was a secret between you two.

"(f/n).. Why?" You felt something wet land on your head and you look up to see Levi resting his head against the wall, looking up. But tears were slowly coming out of his eyes as he closed them.

"I'm sorry..." You buried your face into his chest but soon after you were pulled away by your grandfather.

"Come on, lets get you patched up.." He sighs softly, half carrying you to his room and setting you down on the bed after closing the door.

He starts to stop the bleeding for you, as you were a mess by this point. "Explain.." He says softly, careful not to hurt your arm too much.

"I just.. Riley... He's... Besides you... All I have... Left and... I don't... I can't.... lose ..." You say between whimpers and cries, eventually just giving up knowing you got the point across.

"But why... Did the urge come back?" He looks sympathetically at you as you nod slowly. He sighs.

"Okay, listen sweetie. Remember what got you to stop last time?" You nod, meeting his gaze. "What?"

"Riley.. I had to.. I had to be strong.. For him.. And I couldn't let him.. See me... Or he'd... he'd..." Paps nods.

"Okay, so what makes you think he doesn't need you now? Do you know how worried, how scared he was when you left? He thought you were dead, (f/n). It wasn't your fault, I know, but he needs you more than anyone else in the world.. You are his world." You shake your head.

"He has you."

"There's a different between the bond of a child and an adult, and the bond of a child and child, or rather siblings. Even through the arguments, even through everything, they will always need one another. You can't relapse again, not after what happened last time. Don't give up on him. He's strong, and I can see where he got that from." He smiles at you. "He will survive, I swear. There's no way he can't." You smile a little and close your eyes. "Even if you don't do it for me, even if you don't do it for Riley.. Do it for your mother." At the mention of her, the memories of her body and the blood come back again, and more tears stream down your face, but you nod, pulling Paps into a hug. He lets go of your now-not-bleeding arm and hugs you tightly. "I love you, sweetie."

Levi appears at the door, and smiles sadly at Paps.

"How's she doing?" He mouths.

"She's .. better." He mouths back, Levi then turning to leave.

"Levi wait." You whisper. You run up to him and hug him tightly, burying your face into his chest. "I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.. You won't see it again.. I won't do it again.. I just..." He draws patterns on your back and kisses your head, starting to make you relax. He pulls your chin up to look at him and kisses you. You pull away and rest your head on his shoulder, starting to fall asleep standing up.

"Someone's sleepy." He whispers, but you can sense his smirk.

"Someone's being a dick and not taking me to bed.." You mutter. He chuckles lightly and picks you up bridal style and puts you onto your bed in your room, curling himself around you under the covers to keep you warm.

"I love you, pickle." You smile at his nickname.

"Love you too, Mr. Clean.." You cuddle into him and end up falling asleep in a matter of seconds, your puffy eyes starting to de-swell, and your red face starting to return to the it's normal (s/t) colour.

{{Hoping I didn't break anyone? No? Okay good.. HEY GUYS! Hope you enjoyed, if you did then you know the drill, and thank you! :3 Until next time my beautiful reader-chans, stay fabulous and amazing, ily! <33}}