Sorry, Corporal (Levi x Reader)

Chapter 15

{{Trigger Warning - Self-harm and Suicidal thoughts.}}

You cry into your pillow as Hanji looks in horror at you and Levi looks guilty and ashamed. You manage to halt your crying to look at Levi, who's head is down. You move your hand to his and squeeze it as he looks up.

"Wasn't your fault." You smile weakly, your voice still hoarse. He nods, but continues to look down.

Levi's pov

'SHIT! What did I do? I .. I.. FUCK YOU LEVI ACKERMAN! You hurt her. You don't deserve her, you never have. You'll just get her killed like you did with Isabel and Farlan.'

I feel hot liquid drip down my face as memories of Isabel and Farlan come back.

"L-levi?" (f/n) puts her hand on my face, as more salty tears start to drown it, but no noise is made.

'Let her go, or you'll kill her too.'

I swat her hand away and run out, my entire face now red and puffy.

'SHIT!'

I run out of the infirmary to my office/bedroom and slam the door behind me, not thinking to lock it. I collapse onto my knees and bury my face in my hands. I'd never cried this much before..

'So you either kill the ones you love, or let them go and hurt them? Tch, pathetic.'

Your pov

Your hand is swatted away as Levi runs out of the room.

"Levi!" But it's too late, he's already gone. Hanji looks at me with confusion, so I returned it. "I should.." You sigh. "I shouldn't, should I?" Hanji shakes her head, but keep eye contact.

"You seem okay, but I know he's not.. I've never seen him cry, let alone like that too. You shouldn't go and see him.. But it's for the best, on your side at least. Levi needs you right now.. Just be careful." You sigh and nod, slowly getting up.

"Thanks, Hanji.."

She nods and claps her hands together as you walk out the door.

"YAY! MY FAVOURITE SHIP ARE HAVING THEIR FIRST ARGUMENT OR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL THIS YAY YAY YAY!" You go speeding in through the door again and glare a cold, hard glare straight into her eyes as they widen with fear.

"Keep this a fucking secret or I swear to god I will rip off every single limb on your body and poison you so you die a horrible and slow death."  You growl and walk out once you know she got the message.

--

You burst in through his door to see him collapsed on the floor, still sobbing. You rush to his side and pick him up slightly, placing him gently on your lap and cuddling him close you. You don't say anything, letting him sob his heart out until eventually he goes dry and can't cry anymore, even if he tried.

He looks up at you and closes his eyes, burying his face in your stomach again. You loosen your grip a little bit and move him so he's facing you.

"Levi, what happened?" You ask softly, a look of sorrow in your eyes. But you see pain and anguish in his, and what you heard next shocked you.

"Isabel.. A-and.. Farlan... It was my fault.." His voice drops to a whisper and he looks at his shaking hands, wishing he wasn't there anymore, that he'd died instead of them.

"I... I did n-nothing..." You pull him back into your arms and kiss the top of his head as he starts crying again. That was all you needed to know, as you knew the rest from Erwin.

Flashback

"Cadet, (l/n)?" You turn around to face 'Eyebrows' as you liked to call him.

"Mm?"

"Don't.. Don't think of Corporal Levi as someone who doesn't feel anything, because he feels more than anyone. He just doesn't show it." You raise an eyebrow and lean against the wall, crossing your arms and putting one leg up.

"I've got no where else to be." He sighs.

"When Levi was.. Lets say younger. He lived in the underground." You realized why Levi was uneasy when you went to your 'home' there to find Riley... But he still came after what you hear next?

"He had two friends that were like his family to him, they were all he had. But he had to steal for food, clothes etc. However, he also got his hands on 3DMG and self-taught himself and Isabel and Farlan on how to use them, and then they were practically unstoppable. They were wanted thugs of the Underground, him especially. They were even a match against the Scouting Legion I dare say. But getting away from the Military Police Brigade was a lot different, as they're weak pussies who can't fight for shit." He smirks a little but continues.

"We made a deal. I'd let his crimes go unpunished if they joined the Survey Corps. Their skills were essential." You nod.

"But one day on an expedition, they had a mission of their own. To kill me, and get their hands on some documents. Levi rode away from Isabel and Farlan, telling them to call if they ran into any trouble while he sorted out the mission.. But when he heard Isabel and Farlan's screams, there was nothing he could do; he was too far away. They were eaten before his eyes as he tried to get back to help them, but no matter how fast he went, the Titans were faster. He lost Isabel and Farlan that day, and so has never been the same since. So go easy on him.." You rolled your eyes but nodded, walking out to your room.

Flashback ends

"Levi... I'm so sorry.."

"No. I'm sorry." He looks up at me. "I don't want to get you killed.." You shake your head, knowing what he's suggesting.

"Fuck no, Levi! You didn't kill Isabel and Farlan! There wasn't anything you could do! So don't fucking ruin this, one of the only things in my life that has actually worked out, just for the sake of 'keeping me alive', when it's not gonna do anything. If you want to end this, not just for the sake of my life, then go for it because I don't want to burden you, but don't throw it away for nothing!" By now you were yelling and tears streaming down your face. You jump up and run, not bothering to close the door behind you. You turn multiple corners until you bump into Eren who stops you.

"Woah! (f/n), what happened?! Are you okay?!" You shake your head and slip out of his grasp, running as fast as you can down the hallway to your room. Once you get there, you slam the door and lock it, running into the bathroom and grabbing it. The one thing you'd stopped using, the one thing you'd been meaning to throw away but couldn't, you grabbed it.

"I'm sorry.." You whisper as you drag it across your wrist firmly and deeply.

"(f/n), let me in!" You hear Levi's shouts from your bedroom door as he throws his weight against it.

You realize you're not doing this over Levi, you're doing it over the fact that you can't help, or keep anyone you love safe. You abandoned Riley, hurt Levi, and now have him and possibly Eren worried.. You shouldn't be here anymore, because you're only gonna hurt the ones your love, or get them killed.

Tears stream down your face as you cut deeper and deeper every time, finally bursting your main artery as you cry out in shock. You fall to your knees and onto your back, your bloody arm stretched out in front of you. You feel your life slipping away as darkness clouds your vision.

"Sorry... Corporal..."

{{.. Hey? Yeah, I'll explain in the next chapter which is an A/N what happened and what's happening, etc.. If you enjoyed then you know what to do, so thank you.. And don't kill me for the next chapter, because you might hate me? Idk.. Until then though, stay fabulous reader-chans! <33}}