Inflowing Tide (#Wattys2016)

(11) Intentional Mistakes

I woke up, breathing heavily...I tried to gain control of my breathing. I checked my phone it was 4 am. I got out of bed then made my way downstairs to drink some water. I opened the tap and held my glass under the running water.

I couldn't help but ask myself "Was I meant to be in this family?"  Yes, my dad fucked all of us up but somehow I still thought about him. I still missed him. Hell, I even tried calling him on his birthdays. Was this really who I should be? I didn't have it in me to hate him for what he did to us and I didn't have it in me to forgive him. Yes, I am pissed. Have been pissed for the past few years.

I snapped from my thoughts when I noticed the glass running over. Shit. I quickly drank the water then made my way to Josie's room.

She was asleep, I wonder does she get nightmares like I do. I read somewhere that dreams from your childhood that reflects bad memories, are an indication that you didn't come to terms with it. Well, I have come to terms with it and I am happy...

I wandered upstairs to mom's room and got into the bed beside her.

She reached over and wrapped her arm around me.

"I dreamt about him again..." My voice cracked and tears flooded my eyes.

"Shhhh baby, sleep now." I felt safe in her embrace. I slowly shut my eyes, hoping for better dreams this time.

******

I woke up at 9am; mom was gone. I forgot how beautiful it is in her bedroom in the morning. The sun rays gleaming in and warming up the room. On her nightstand was a picture frame of my sister and me. I stroked the frame and got a bittersweet memory of a destroyed childhood. I sleep better in here.

I got to my room and found my phone completely blown up by Tony.

I just ignored it and went to have a bath. Today I was back to 'sweatpants sally' and my infamous sided braid and I just wanted to sulk in my sadness.

"Savy, Aunt Rose is coming over. Don't wear that." Mom stuck her head in at my bedroom door and disappeared again. There goes my plans.

I settled for my black jeans, burgundy plump top and black strappy sandals I felt extremely overdressed. I straightened my hair, it was hanging down my back to my hips.

*****

Aunt Rose had finally arrived, fashionably late. As per usual the conversation spiralled into a whirl wind of her perfect daughter.

Her daughter Katherine also know as Kate is a third year medical student. "My Kate is doing so well, we're so proud of her!" I smiled awkwardly at her "We can only imagine, sister." Mom hissed.

"What do you plan on doing when you graduate high school, Savannah?" She asked and placed her hand sarcastically on her chin.

"I want to study law but, I am torn between law and social working, helping children feels like a passion I should consider, you know." She gaped at mom. They turned their attention to me.

"What? I thought you loved law." mom questioned. "I do, mom." I don't have the mental energy to elaborate on this.

"Law is a terrible sickness." Aunt Rose cringed, she said that as if she had some criminal record.

"Rose!" Mom exclaimed. I glanced over at Josie, she rolled her eyes at them. I giggled at how they annoyed Josie. Mom and her sister had a weird relationship, they wouldn't be in contact for weeks sometimes months on end. I couldn't imagine not speaking that long to my sister.

****

Our guest had left. Josie and I lied on one sofa while mom was on the opposite sofa.

Mom and Josie started speaking about her return to college in a few days, she is a second year nursing student and stayed at a student housing in Central Johannesburg, nearby her college. It's fun to have her at home; Although she doesn't stay that far out.

I excused myself and went upstairs to my bedroom and finally checked my phone. There were voicemails from Tony.

"Hey Sav, I'm sorry for our fight but not sorry for what I did. Please call me when you get this."

"Hi Savannah, please call me. I miss you. We need to speak."

"Hi Savy, me again. Please get back to me. I miss you."

Seriously? You miss me? Why had he done something so foolish? I'll never be with him like that and jeopardise our friendship. He has no idea how much damage he could've caused if someone saw what he did.

I had a few text messages. One from Gabriel. More than one most waps just him finding out where I am. One in particular that made me smile.

-Hey Savy, I can't stop thinking about you and that kiss. I hope you aren't avoiding me because of that, it would suck if you were. good luck with exams this week. Ps; that kiss.

I grinned like an idiot reading it multiple times. How can a simple text message change my mood like this. Every body e in my body wanted me to call Gabriel but,

I decided to call Tony; better late than never. He answered almost immediately.

"Hi." I couldn't hide the disappointment in my voice.

"Hi, look..." he seemed upset

"Don't, please. Let's just put this behind us? I miss my friend." He sighed.

"Savy, I'm not sorry for what I did. But, if you don't feel the same way I'll enjoy your friend zone, although I'm not sure for how much longer." 

"You know, T... I called to fix things with my friend, not this new, self-centred person I'm hearing. Anyway, I am going to study now. If you find my friend, tell him I miss him." I ended the call before he could say anything.

I was so pissed off, what does he think? I will never do that to my sister. I honestly hate to admit that I was directly pissed at him, not any other reason...just him. Not the kiss, nothing else. His whole damn being.

******

I was playing back study notes that I pre-recodered with my headphones. I was lying down on my bed; frustrated that my thoughts were louder than what I needed to hear.

That kiss! I only just thought about it; I met this guy is the most random way and he is taking this much time from my sanity.

He kissed me, that must mean something...or not. What if he was doing what Tony said? Taking advantage? He never told me anything about who he was...or what he does.

Was he even real? Would I wake up and this never happened?