“You don’t have to be strong all the time. You know that right?”
My eyes jolt open suddenly as I shoot into an upright position from where I was previously sleeping on the couch. My heart is beating incredibly fast and I feel strange.
“What...,” I murmur under my breath as I realize that it was just a dream.
I’m dreaming about him again. This is the third night in a row now.
Every time it’s the same dream. Well in reality it’s more of a memory. I keep replaying the events of three nights ago in my head. Harry telling me he wants to kiss me. Harry telling me that he likes me as more than a friend. Me being awkward and not saying anything even though I may have also wanted to kiss him. Harry telling me that I’m closing him off because of my parents.
At first I was mad at him for bringing up my mum the way he did. What right did he have to talk about her death in such a cavalier way? She was my mum. How was I just supposed to move on? But thinking about it since that night, I think Harry’s right. I push people away because it’s easier then getting close and loosing them. I’ve convinced myself that I’m content with being alone but right now I’m not so sure if I am. I haven’t talked to Harry, or heard from him since. I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to stay away from him and never see him again but the other half of me wants to see him. I miss him and it’s only been three days.
I haven’t had a good nights sleep since. Every night I toss and turn for hours. No matter how hard I try, my eyes remain open. And even when I do fall asleep I’m thinking to much. Last night I think I finally collapsed from exhaustion on the couch at about two a.m.
I squint over to my nearby clock, four in the morning.
We’re leaving in two hours for tour.
Lou is picking me up in an hour.
I’m going on tour with One Direction.
I run my hand through my hair a few times and close my eyes trying to relax. I’m nervous though. This is a big deal. I’m going to travel all over Europe and North America!
I’ve got one very large suitcases and then a smaller duffle packed with basically every article of clothing I own, my favorite blanket and pillow (for the tour bus), and a picture of my mum. Then I have a tote bag, simply dedicated to makeup and hair supplies for myself. Then there’s my carryon bag which consists of my new sketchpad and various pencils and pens for sketching, my iPod and headphones, a few books, my laptop, and some of my favorite movies. And finally there is my actual purse which holds sunglasses, my wallet, my passport, my ID, hand lotion, keys, and a pack of gum. I feel like I’m bringing too much but I guess we’ll see. Maybe in the end I’ll be glad I brought basically everything I own on tour with me.
Or maybe I’ll regret it profusely.
With a little over an hour until Lou picks me up, I decide it’s time to get ready.
I’m too lazy to do anything fancy with my hair or apply too much makeup (plus everything I own is packed away… didn’t really think that one through to much). I apply a little bit of mascara, eyeliner, and lip balm and leave my hair down.
I decide to remain fairly casual with my outfit and wear my ripped jeans (not store bought ripped, I tripped and they tore all across the pant legs) a hoodie, and on top of that my jean jacket. It looks simple, and like I’m not trying to hard, but nice enough so that I’m not a total slob.
Then I fix myself some breakfast choosing to stay simple and make crepes.
Honestly I’m too distracted right now.
