I can’t run away now, so I stay where I am, smile, and pull on my rubber bands a few times to try and calm myself down. It doesn’t really work though. My heart is beating and I’m shaking because of how anxious and nervous I am.
“Hey Evan,” Zayn says warmly, once they’re a few feet away from me. He opens his arms for a hug, which I accept, standing on my tiptoes to wrap my arms around his shoulders.
“Are you cold or something?” Zayn asks as he pulls away, “You’re shaking?”
“I’m fine,” I assure him although I’m clearly lying.
“Hi Evan,” Harry says. He doesn’t give me a hug which is a little awkward but I think it’s for the best.
“Hi,” I nod forcing myself to smile. All I can think about is what Harry said three days ago,
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here”
Out of all of the things he said to me that night, that stood out to me the most.
And now he’s standing right in front of me. He’s here. And I’m dying inside.
I don’t think things will ever be the same between us. It’s not possible.
The way that he’s staring at me makes me so nervous. His eyes are glued on me. I can’t look at him directly. His gaze is so intense and expectant. Like he’s waiting for me to say something important or cure cancer or something.
“Evan?” Zayn wonders waving his hand in front of my face which breaks my trance.
I shake my head a little bit as I realize I’ve been spacing out for the past few moments, “Yeah?”
“Did you hear what I just said?” Zayn asks.
“Sorry I was distracted! It’s still pretty early,” I say making up an excuse even though I’m not at all tired, “What did you say?
“Dinner was fun the other night,” He repeated.
I smile, “Yeah dinner was really enjoyable,” I agree, “Thanks for letting me crash, I had a great time.”
Zayn shakes his head, disagreeing with me, “You weren’t crashing, Harry invited you.” Harry’s name being brought up into the conversation leads to a slightly uncomfortable silence.
“Yeah…” I say trailing off as I meet Harry’s eyes for the first time. He looks thoughtful, not sad, but different than before.
“Yup,” Harry nods, as he looks right into my eyes. I can’t take it anymore and I look away as it becomes even more quiet in our little group.
“Oh look!” Zayn says breaking the silence “There’s Niall,” he points towards the back of Niall’s head where he’s rocking a red snapback, “I’ve got to go talk to him,” Zayn quickly starts walking away from Harry and I before either of us can stop him.
Oh no.
“Wait but-” I yell after Zayn trying to stop him but it’s too late, he’s already a few yards away talking to Niall.
I bite my lip nervously and pull on my rubber band, I can tell Harry notices.
“Hi,” I say breaking the silence.
“Hi,” He says smiling, making his dimple appear. Oh my god.
“Hi…” I repeat trailing off. Now I’m shaking again. Damn my horrible social skills and inability to preform well in awkward situation.
“You said that already,” He smirks trying to make things a little bit more normal.
“I know, I just… I don’t know what to say,” I admit to him quietly.
Harry doesn’t skip a beat though and pretends like I haven’t said anything, “So how’ve you been,” He asks. How is it so easy for him to pretend like three days ago never happened. He’s so calm and I’m a nervous train wreck.
“Good” I lie quickly, my voice quivers though and he chuckles a little bit, “How about you?” I ask trying to keep the conversation topic away from me.
Harry shrugs, “Fine I suppose,” he says, and then comments, “You look really nice.”
I blush very well and then mutter, “I’m wearing ripped jeans, barely any makeup, and my hair is a mess,” I inform him, “This is hardly nice.”
“Well I think you look amazing,” He says boldly. Harry Styles is a lot of things but he is most definitely not shy, “And Josh and Dan agree with me. Told me earlier after they met you that they thought you were fit,”
Josh and Dan think I’m fit?
So not the point.
The point is that Harry just said that I looked amazing even though I’m wearing almost no makeup, and my hair is crazy, and now my face is red and my heart is pounding.
“Harry…” I say suddenly, but my mind catches up to my mouth and I stop myself before I say anything else.
“Evan?” He says looking at me questioningly.
I shake my head, looking to the ground, “Never mind,” I say quickly.
“Do you have something to say to me?” Harry asks. I know that he knows I have something to say - a lot of things to say - but I just can’t form a single sentences in my head.
I hesitate for a moment. What do I want to say to Harry? That’s one of the problems here, I don’t know what I want to say to Harry. I don’t know what this feeling I’m feeling is. I’m confused. Do I like him? Do I have a crush on him? Because if I do here’s my chance. I should tell him, shouldn’t I?
“Nope,” I decide shaking my head, “Nothing to say,”
“Okay then,” Harry says. I can tell he’s a little bit disappointed, and honestly I’m disappointed with myself too.
