My Life: Its Ok, I Guess.

The Green Fairy

New Orleans;

The land of getting insanely fucked up!

This night in particular, we were introduced to Absinthe.

Not sure what that is?

Lemme put it this way:

Vincent Van Gogh, famous painter, Cut his own ear off while on absinthe, which is an adult beverage with wormwood in it. Wormwood is a powerful hallucinogenic.

So yeah! Sign and line me up, motherfuckaaaaa!

So it was my brother Nick, and my friends, Doze, "Andrew", "Warren", "Keith", and fat fucking asshole cocksucking dick face...(we'll just name him "Dick") and me.

We already had a night of hard drinking planned, but had no idea where we would end up.

We all felt emotional;

It was the first time any of us had been to NOLA since Hurricane Katrina;

The destruction wasnt as bad as it had been, but it was hard to watch.

NOLA is one of my favorite places, and it means a lot to us in south Louisiana.

Seeing the superdome all fucked up would bring any of one of you to tears.

But as soon as we had seen it, an overwhelming feeling of seeing the city, made us cheer! You ain't killing us that easy, motherfucker!

Get to Bourbon street, and we go to a few bars, and get a nice little buzz going.

We decide we should eat something before we get too wasted.

We go to a place, that is famous for mini burgers.

We notice that Doze, is wolfing down like 6 to 8 of these, we tell him to fucking breath! Dont need a choking victim, not tonight!

After we leave, we are having a few debates about where to go next. A lady with a sign board tells us, "come to the pirate bar, get some shots of Absinthe!"

I had heard of absinthe, mostly from the film, "Euro Trip", if you haven't seen it, Don't;

It's awful.

But we decided fuck it, why not?

We had down an alley next to the St. Louis Cathedral, (fun fact! A scene from "interview with a vampire " was shot here!)

The bar was nothing fancy, but she lines me, Nick, Dick, And Doze up. Pours our shots, and we slam em back.

It tastes like good and plenty, and garbage. Its awful!

But we didnt know at the time, you arent supposed to take it straight like that;

Its supposed to be diluted with sugar. Not sure why, but yeah...we didnt.

It only took one shot, and we were feeling all giggly and shit. And it was great, looking at one another, laughing hysterically. The other guys are looking at us curiously.

"Tastes like shit, but it gets you where ya gotta go. Enjoy the green fairy, boys!"
The bartender said.

Green fairy,you ask? I dont know either, but all i can say is anything that was green was illuminated, had its own personal spotlight!

It was some pretty potent shit, sir.

Anyhoo, we leave the bar, all of us clearly well lit,

We notice Doze;

He's pacing back and forth, holding his stomach.

We're like "Dude, you ok?"

Out of nowhere, A FUCKING HAMBURGER...EXPELLED FROM HIS MOUTH!!!

Followed by a small bit of vomit.

He looks up, "im good, now."

We fucking laughed like hyenas! The night, went on;

We stopped at 4 different bars that night. And it was a blast;
The first was a fucking amazing place, The Dungeon! (Not a cute name, it was an ACTUAL fucking dungeon at one time!)

I had to take a leak; and they told me that the bathroom was to my right down the hall. I mustve searched for like 20 fucking minutes all i saw were two bookshelves!

Then i spot a door handle on the bookshelf...ill be damned, it was a door...wtf man? That's awesome!!!

There are 3 different parts to it;

the bottom floor is two different bars.

One is more of a gothy rock type club. The other is more of a metal one.
But upstairs? UPSTAIRS?!

it was nu metal; fuck yes, bitch!

And the walls were actually made of skulls (like REAL skulls, at least i think so...fucking could've fooled me.)

It had a real guillotine inside, as well. Not allowed to touch it, though;

Dammit!

We drank a wicked ass drink called "Dragon's blood" tasted like Jager...(dry heave.) And Absinthe...oh yes...haha.

We stayed there for at least 2 hours partying and throwing down.

Later that evening, we met a street musician, by the name of "Mad Mike, The hippie bum."

He was playing a banjo, and we decided to listen.

He asked us, "do you wanna hear a traditional banjo song? Or do you wanna hear a funny song?

Of course, at our current state of drunkenness, either wouldve been fine.

But we went with funny.

He then proceeds to start off, with the,magical words:

"Welllll my favorite place is new orleans city jail, get 3 meals a day, and a wang in the tail. Love new orleans city jail its a magical place, play cards all day, and get a shlonnng intheface"

Oh my fucking god, dude.

Hahaha shit was great, man!