My Life: Its Ok, I Guess.

I Was The Easter Bunny

Nope;

You didn't read it wrong, friends.

For a brief time, yours truly, was the easter bunny at our local mall.

If you're just joining us, first off, Hello! But, this is not the story you're looking for!

Not yet, anyways.

Go back and read the previous stories first...

All caught up?

Good! Now i can continue!

The guy who tore his penis, and took shrooms and partied with ants? (Sup Phil?!)

Yeah...i held your children! Mwhahaha i'm an evil genius! (Or i was extremely broke; let's go with that.)

A friend of my mom's told her that they needed people to be the easter bunny;

To which i replied, with disgust,

"Psssh hell no!"

"She says they'll pay you close to 400 bucks"

"So, what time should i be there?"

***

It was time;
I walked into the mall like the cast of "Armageddon" walked towards the shuttle, y'all.(walking in slow motion, concerning those around me)

We went into an abandoned clothing store, and there it was...the bunny suit.

In my head, for some reason, i said, "so...we meet again." I never met this fuckin' thing!

I put it on, and to be honest, it smelled like
Corn Chips, and asshole!

I turned to the lady, and asked "this suit reeks, ma'am."

She laughed. Why?

The last person who wore it was an obese lady...and she wore it naked...did any body else vomit a little bit? I am currently in contact with someones booty juice. And that is only acceptable in a hospital, or the bedroom...and one time in an arby's bathroom...dont judge me, what am i supposed to do there? Eat?
Fuck that.

But i guess 400 bucks, is 400 bucks.

So, as i stand up, i realize, im too tall for the suit! There's a screen in the mouth part of the mask, that you are supposed to see out of, but my eyes were where the eye part was, in other words?

I COULDN'T SEE A FUCKING THING!

But before i could say anything they had already opened the door and was guiding me out.

And youre not supposed to talk! Theres a few different people that wear the suit, and they dont want to confuse the kiddos! Also wise, because would YOU want a six foot two bunny rabbit talking to you?

Although, i'd be lying if i didnt think about going up to a kid, and scaring the shit out of them, "hey kid, want a balloon...they float, they ALL float."

Just like pennywise, haha.

As i'm walking, i hear the sounds of children laughing and crying, (i am pretty fucking horrifying, thank god they didnt see my face;
doo-doo, for real!

I feel a kids hug my legs, which makes me nervous, i have anxiety, and i cant see these kids, not sure if the love me, or wanna take my wallet!

I feel a slighl thud on my knee, and i hear crying.

"You just kneed my son in the face!"

A lady says!

I had to stifle my laughter...

I get to the easter bunny area, i sit down, but i'm still having issues with the sight thing. The first kid comes up, and he's cool! Sits on my lap, no tears, like a champ. Takes the picture. i give him a coloring book, some candy, and a high fuckin 5!

A few more kids come and go, some evil, some good. But when i saw what was next, i started to have a panic attack:

A freshly newborn baby. And she was tiny!

I had to call a time out!

The lady walks over to me, and i finally said something!

"I cant see shit! I don't wanna drop the baby, what do i do?"

"Slouch a little bit, i guess."

Great!

So i slouched, and yes it helped my sight but,
The next few pictures i looked like the easter bunny going through a divorce, and has just had enough of the kids and those fuckin eggs. All that was missing was the whiskey and a shotgun!

The baby was asleep, and i held her the best way i could, but the picture looked like i was about to just toss her on the floor, and shoot everybody!

Finally, the day came to a close, and i refused to wear that shit again. Way too chubby to be that hot!

Moral of the story? If there was one...it'd be:

Stay in school kids!