her remedy

1

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" Laura's sympathetic voice asks.

"I'm alright." I say. "I don't feel very good, maybe next time."

She sighs. "You've said that every time for the past five months, Adele. You need to get out."

"I know. I will soon, I promise. I just need some time."

"I love you, don't ever forget that."

"I love you too. Thank you for inviting me."

"Anytime."

She hangs up and I lean against the wall. The wall that I've fallen against many times, crying my eyes out and staring at my empty house.

Everyone says the same thing about a breakup: time will heal you.

How much time does it take for my heart to heal?

I've only left my house when I absolutely have to, I haven't socialized with anyone in months, I'm an absolute mess.

And it's all over one man. One man who changed my life in an amazing way and just like that, changed my life in a horrible way.

He moved on from me before we were even over. I haven't moved on at all.

Drying my eyes, I think of what Laura just said.

She is right, I need to get out. I need to stop hiding. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself.

Reluctantly, I start to clean the mess up. I throw away the tissues, cartons of ice cream, and empty boxes of takeout. Then I somehow pull myself together enough to take a shower.

The warm water running down my back is one of the few things that can comfort me. I take a deep breath, feeling relaxed.

I throw on comfortable clothes, glad that I actually found something clean.

"Look at this mess." I say out loud to myself, staring at my room. There's dirty clothes and trash everywhere. The curtains haven't been opened in months, causing the room to seem permanently dark.

I throw the clothes in the washer, pick up the trash and open the curtains.

The gray sky offers some light to the dark room, and seeing a brightened up room brings me the slightest bit of hope.

As I am walking out to my car, I feel like I'm starting to finally heal. Laura has inspired me to start moving on, as well as the realization that my house, as well as myself, was a disgusting mess.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like I can get through this. After months of just crying and hiding away from the world, feeling sorry and worthless, it feels good to see the world, to see other people.

If only I knew what was coming. If only I knew that once I got up and started to move on, a crashing wave would knock me right back down.

*

As I sit on the edge of my bed, waiting for the bath to fill, my phone lights up with a text.