her remedy

2

It's the first time I've ever seen my mum cry tears of pain in front of me.

The very last note from the piano plays, and the song ends. She doesn't look up.

I try to choke back my own tears of heartbreak and pain. This is every piece of my broken heart thrown into the form of a song.

After several minutes of her just crying and staring at the hardwood floor, she looks up at me with watery eyes. I can see my reflection in them.

"What did you say that was called?" She asks.

"Someone Like You." I say so quietly that it almost could be considered a whisper.

She returns her eyes back to the floor. I shut my laptop and swallow back the wave of emotions that's threatening to take over me.

"Adele, remember when you said you wanted to be a heart surgeon? Do you remember why you said that?"

I nod, remembering. "I wanted to fix people's hearts."

"You are fixing people's hearts. That song is going to crush so many broken hearts and then it will mend them when they realize someone shares their pain."

I just nod again. I know this song has already changed my life, I just don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

She moves closer to me on the couch, pulling me into a hug. She runs her hand up and down my back, and says, "I didn't realize how hurt you really are by this."

"Nobody has." I whisper. I feel a lump in my throat.

"You can cry, baby." She says.

So I do. I cry into her shoulder, his face so clearly in my mind.

It hurt to know he didn't love me anymore. It hurt to remember all the painful words he said in our last conversation. And it hurt so much to know that he loved another girl more than he ever loved me.

*

Through the icy coffee shop window, I see him. I see him laughing. He looks happy.

I see her. As much as I don't want to admit it, she is very pretty. She too looks happy.

The right thing to do is to keep walking and forget I ever saw them. But I can't. Instead, I stand there, on the other side of the window, in the cold air.

She grabs his hand and holds onto it. I used to do the exact same thing.

He smiles and looks into her eyes, just like he would look into mine as I lost myself in his.

Then he leans closer and closer to her. With each inch, I feel my heart breaking. Their lips connect and I can't look away.

It's like watching a car accident that's so horrifying that you can't look away, no matter how hard you try.

My heart aches, is crushed, and then just completely breaks into thousands of broken pieces.

When they pull away, he looks out the window and makes burning eye contact with me.

He recognizes me right away, and stares for a few seconds before looking away again.

I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded that for me, it isn't over

I sing the lyrics to myself, suddenly running as fast as I can away from the coffee shop. Tears pour from my eyes and I struggle to hold them in.

When I return home after crying the whole way there, I completely fall apart before I can even open the front door.

Cold rain falls rapidly, wetting my face and mixing with my tears of heartbreak.

I sit down on the pavement and cry to the sky. I scream to the emptiness around me, saying, "Don't forget me, I beg!"

He can't hear me, yet I say it several times.

I beg.

There's so much desperation in that one line. So much despair. I'm still so in love with him that I'm begging for him to take me back.

This is it. Love doesn't exist. The empty, broken heart inside of me is here to stay.

*

A familiar voice is gently speaking to me. I feel like I'm being carried.

Slowly, I open my eyes and see the one person who has managed to make me smile even in my deepest depths of sadness. My best friend, Laura.

"I haven't seen you in weeks." I say to her, looking into her familiar face, still unsure of what is actually happening.

She sets me down gently on my bed, not saying a word.

"Laura?" I ask her.

She just smooths down my hair, running her fingers through it in a comforting way.

"Shh, go to sleep, Adele."

I feel relaxed, I feel safe. It's an odd feeling that I haven't felt in a while.

"What happened to me?" I say, expecting no answer.

"You fell outside. I came here to find you with mascara running down your face and you were freezing. I think you're in shock right now. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I don't-" I pause, struggling to form the sentence as exhaustion rushes through me. "I don't remember."

She just nods, continuing to smooth my hair down until sleep takes over me.

I'm in shock, I think to myself.

How is it possible that one person can have this much of an impact on me? How could he drive me to the point of being in shock?

There's an answer, and it's quite simple.

It's because no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to let go.