her remedy

8

"Personally, I think Drake is a better vocalist." Simon winks.

"No, Beyoncé is." I type into my speaking app. The lady's voice says it without any emotion and I get a little annoyed.

"She can't hit the notes he can." Now he was just saying it to get me mad.

"Are you kiddinf?" I type in, and I press "speak" too soon. That one mistake just changed this whole argument. I wait for her to finish speaking and then I type, "Kidding."

Simon pretends to look really concerned. "You're kiddinf? Again? I told you to stop!"

I roll my eyes. This could have been a fun argument if it weren't for the typing error, or even better, if I could actually talk.

Once Simon sees my defeated expression, he comes over to me and hugs me tightly. I still haven't gotten over how safe I feel the moment I am in his arms.

He kisses my forehead and then says, "It's getting late. I'm going home."

My heart always hurts a little when he says goodbye.

I nod and type, "Thank you for dinner."

"Anytime. I'll see you tomorrow." He says, heading out the door. I watch until his car disappears from my sight.

As I turn around to go back inside, my phone buzzes with a text. Unsurprisingly, it's from Simon.

Leaving you is the worst part of my day, I miss you already

I smile. He makes me smile all the time.

I type in the words I have wanted to say to him for so long, but it still seems too soon. I'm too scared to say them. "Maybe you could move in with me." I stare at the words, and then stare at the send button. But just like every other time, I backspace the message and send a different one.

I miss you too

*

One more week. Then I can delete my talking app. I can actually use my voice without making a mistake and looking stupid.

Having to shut myself up for so long hasn't been all that bad. For one thing, I see Simon a lot. He comes over almost every day. But it just makes me desperate to talk again, to be able to say "I love you" to him and to be able to sing love songs when he leaves.

I've also been able to sit in silence and listen to the real world. I can listen to myself.

In these last five weeks, I've let go of most of my hoarded, heavy past. I've almost completely moved on from Alex, but I can't bring myself to destroy that picture and the note. I've tried, but I cry every time and just close it away again.

I know that one day I will be able to let go completely. I'm just waiting for the right moment.

*

Today. I can talk today.

That's my first thought when I wake up. I want my first words to be to Simon, just like my last words were to him.