her remedy

12

"Does he still call you every night?" Laura asks, taking a bite of her pasta.

I nod, moving my pasta around with my fork.

"Then why are you afraid he doesn't love you anymore?"

I take a sip of water, staring out the window as if some answer will be written on it.

"Because it's like our relationship is going backwards now. Each day he seems more and more unfamiliar and our conversations are getting shorter. It's like he wants to say bye before he even says hello." I blurt out, admitting all the things I had tried to ignore.

She just takes my hand. "How much longer until he's back?"

"He's been gone for about a month, so he'll be back in 63 days, not like I'm counting or anything."

"I'm not sure what to say to you, honestly. It's just something that happens. Maybe you guys weren't meant to be."

Tears fill my eyes. I've heard those words before. Not meant to be.

"But he's different, Laura. I felt real love when I was with him. I've never felt that way about anyone before."

"I know, Adele. But your first real love is not always your last."

"It's too soon to give up." I object, trying to hang on to any last bit of hope I have left.

"I'm not saying you should give up, I'm just saying be prepared if it doesn't work out."

I don't say anything, I just continue to twirl the pasta on my fork without actually taking a bite. I have no appetite.

"Are you going to eat that or are you just going to keep playing with it? Because I wouldn't mind eating it for you."

I slide the plate over to her and laugh.

Only Laura could make me laugh when I feel hopeless.

*

When my phone rings that night and it says "Simon" as the caller, I drop everything.

"Hello?" I say, hoping that maybe, just maybe, tonight will be better.

"Hey." He says. There goes that hope.

"How was your day?"

"Long. I miss you." He sounds preoccupied.

"I miss you too. I'm excited to hug you."

"Me too, Adele. Me too. Listen, I'm really tired, so I have to-"

"Simon?"

"Yeah?"

Should I ask? Should I risk it? Would he admit what I'm afraid of?

"Do you still love me?"

"Of course I do. Why would you even question it?"

"You just don't sound as happy as you used to sound when you talk to me. You don't talk for that long and you just seem distant."

I can hear him take a deep breath and then sigh into the phone. He knows I'm right.

"Babe, it's not you. It's just that-"

"Just that what?"

"It's really hard to be away from you. And I feel like maybe if I forget about you, it will just be easier for me to get through the rest of the trip."

My heart breaks and aches so much that it makes me feel sick. Forget about me?!

"Simon, you can't be serious."

"I am serious, Adele. I love you. I love you so much that it scares me. And I don't  want to be afraid of love."

"So is this it, then?" I say quietly. I can't believe I'm actually saying those words out loud.

"I'm sorry." He says, his voice cracking. This must hurt him as much as it hurts me.

"Can we try again when you come back?"

"I'll call you when I get back and we can try. I'm really sorry. It's not your fault at all, I just need time to think, ok?"

"Ok." I say, placing a hand over my mouth to stop myself from sobbing until he hangs up.

"I'll see you soon." He says. The word "soon" is almost silent, as if he's holding back sobs too.

When I broke up with Alex, it hurt so much that I didn't even understand it.

But hearing the words "Maybe if I forget about you, it will be easier" just broke me in a thousand different ways.

He's going to forget about me. He wants to forget about me.

That's the thing about love, that's the trouble with it. It doesn't care if it hurts you, it doesn't care how hard you fall for it, how attached you get to it, it just simply doesn't care.

My heart begins to take over and I feel like I am no longer in control of anything I do. Without thinking, I grab my phone and text Simon the one line in "Someone Like You" that hurts me the most when I sing it.

Don't forget me, I beg

He texts back and I have to calm myself down to read it. My tears have blurred everything.

I have to.

That's it.

It's over.