her remedy

11

In these past three incredible days, I've noticed things about Simon that I hadn't noticed before.

I've noticed the way his eyes get brighter every time he laughs, and the little line that forms on his forehead when he laughs. I've fallen in love with how he holds my hand and the way he rubs his thumb against mine. I'm still completely in awe of the feeling I get every time he kisses me, and the way his hand gently touches the back of my neck. I feel the safest when he holds me, his arms around my waist, the feeling of love and security filling me.

Now that I've become familiar with him and familiar with everything he does, I don't want to let him go. He's become home to me, a safe place, a happy place.

Last night, I couldn't bear to see him walk away again. It was the last night I was going to spend with him for three whole months, and I wanted him by my side all night.

It was the second time he had stayed overnight. The second time that I laid awake all night, too distracted by the urge to go into his room and have him hold me until the sun rose.

When I woke up this morning, I didn't want to get out of bed. It meant that I would have to face today, the day that I've been dreading.

"Good morning, beautiful." He says, walking into my room as I lay in bed staring out the window.

"Good morning." I answer, stretching and then sitting up.

He walks over to me in his pajamas, sitting down beside me on the bed. I feel him put his arm around me, pulling me into him and kissing the top of my head. He runs his fingers through my hair as I rest my head against his chest.

That's one of the best feelings in the world, the feeling of someone playing with your hair. When he does it, it feels like magic.

"Did you sleep well?" He asks.

No, I would have slept well if you held me in your arms. But you didn't, because you know it would be rushing into this relationship.

"Yeah." I say, hiding my true feelings. "Did you?"

"I always sleep well when I know you're close."

Not close enough.

I smile and look into his eyes. His stunning eyes that have captured my heart entirely.

In an instant, our lips lock. It's passionate, but it's also full of longing. If only we could stay like this forever. If only love was easy.

*

"I think that's everything." He says, carrying his ticket and setting his luggage down near the security line.

"Do you have to go?" I ask him, holding onto his hand.

His eyes well up. "I'm afraid so."

At the sight of his tears, my own eyes water. "Thank you for everything these past few months. You've taught me so much about love and I promise that I'll be right here waiting for you when you come back."

"I promise I will be back soon, and I promise that my heart will love you then just as much as I do now. You've defined love for me. You've proven to me that it still exists."

Both of us are crying, almost as if we both know that our promises may never be kept. Three months is a long time.

"Please don't go." I jump into his arms, sobbing and dismissing the fact that it's the last thing I should say to him.

He hugs me tight, holding me closer against him than he ever has before.

"I don't want to go." He says through his tears.

I pull myself together enough to say goodbye. I pull away from him, missing the feeling of being in his arms the moment I am out of them.

"I'm sorry." I say, placing my hand on the right side of his face.

He places his hand on top of mine, not saying anything.

"You're going to have fun. Don't worry about me, I'm going to be fine. I'm just a really emotional person."

He laughs. "I'll call you every chance I get."

"And I'll make sure to answer." I assure him.

He wraps his arms around me once more, hugging me tight. I take a deep breath, taking in his scent and his warmth and every little thing that I possibly can, begging myself to not to let go. We stay like that for several minutes, his arms around me, my arms around him, both of us just taking in each other and trying to make the moment last forever.

But it can't last forever. It won't. I struggle to pull away, mostly because I can't bear to.

When we part, I know it's the last time I'll be held in his arms for a long time.

He looks into my face with his dreamy blue eyes. Even though they're gloomy, they still make my heart go faster.

"Stay safe, alright?" I say to him.

"I will. Please stay safe too." He answers.

I nod. We look into each other's eyes once more, each of us sealing the memory in our hearts so that we never forget it. Then the moment comes, the moment where he kisses me and gives me the earth-shattering feeling he always does.

Our lips collide, and we pour our hearts out. The passion, the love, the memories-everything. We share it with each other. Our emotions and our passion prove just how hard it is to say goodbye to someone who is your whole world.

"I love you." I say to him, meaning it now more than I ever have before.

"I love you too." He says, and I know he sincerely means it too.

Then he walks away. And I have to watch. I have to hold on to him until I lose sight of him.

It's like the biggest piece of me leaving. The one thing that has brought me immeasurable hope and joy is leaving. The one person who changed my life the most.

I lose sight of him. My heart shatters at the realization that it is quite possibly the end.

I've never missed someone so much. The sound of his voice, being in his arms, his touch, his personality, his scent, his love, him.

All of it may be gone forever, and my wasted heart will go right back to the start.