her remedy

27

-five years later-

He looks just like me. He acts just like Simon.

A couple years after Angelo's death, I got pregnant with another baby. It was equally incredibly exciting as it was absolutely terrifying.

Would he die too? Would I even make it full term?

Through the whole pregnancy, Simon stayed by my side. He comforted me when I lost it because of how much I still missed Angelo, and he told me I wasn't alone because he felt the same pain. After all, Angelo was his baby too.

We got through the worst of it together. We sobbed together, looking at the baby clothes he would never wear and the crib he would never sleep in. We looked through the few photos we got of him, admiring his little nose and soft hair.

Every night, we slept closer together than we did before everything happened. He promised me he would always stay. That brought me so much comfort.

The reality, we soon realized, was that we had to move on. It would be painful, but we couldn't avoid the outside world forever.

That's the one thing I learned. The world never stops. No matter what happens to you, time goes on, people continue to live their lives. And you have to live your life, too. It's simply too short to waste. It sucks at times, it's painful and it tears you apart. But it's beautiful.

After much pain and sobbing, I saw a light. That light was my pregnancy.
Deep down, I hoped it was a boy. But more than anything, I just hoped it would be healthy.

Then my hopes and dreams that were still not fully recovered after being shattered were finally healed. My prayers were answered.

On October 28, a full three years and just a few days after Angelo's birthday, Simon and I welcomed another beautiful baby boy into the world. The sound of him crying made us cry with joy. It was the sound we desperately wanted to hear, the one that meant he was healthy and alive.

We named him James. It was a way of honoring Angelo.

He is such a sweet baby. We appreciated every single sleepless night. We loved being able to watch him grow, see him laugh and smile, and be able to kiss him. It made up for all the things we missed out on with Angelo.

Today, James is now two years old. He talks and is full of endless energy. He has a huge heart and loves hard. Simon and I really don't know what we did to deserve him, but we're immensely thankful we were blessed with him.

We sit on a park bench, watching James run wild around the small playground on a chilly November afternoon. He laughs and waves to us before he crawls through a tunnel.

"I wish I had his energy." Simon says, his arm around me.

Laughing, I say, "Do you know how much we be able to get done if we had that much stamina?"

Simon nods in agreement, a grin plastered on his face as his eyes follow James. "He's growing up fast. Wasn't it just yesterday that he crawled for the first time?"

"It seems like it. Wasn't it just last month that we were kissing in a cafe to make my ex jealous?"

"And not long after you kissed a random guy in Chicago to make me jealous?"