Sweet Expressions

Taking Candy From A Baby

I crept into Sean's living room right behind him, still sniffing at the delicate fragrance that filled my arms and keeping an eye out for Mr. Blackbourne. The living room was empty. I listened and couldn't hear Silas anywhere either. Movement out past the glass sliding doors in the garden caught my eye, pants and a well shined men's shoe turning toe and walking back out on the cement path that cut through the grass. I watched him through the glass, a hand in his pocket and the other holding the cell to his ear, pacing in his dark gray suit. Silas leaned against the siding outside with him, his arms folded and watching him pace, his face as serious as I'd ever seen him. It was getting dark out there. I wondered what kind of trouble I had stirred up for their group and swallowed, the pain of failure rising up again. Sean smoothed a hand over my shoulder, hugging me to himself before letting go and moving to the couch.

"Pookie, come sit down for a minute. I think I have...yes, I do. You'll like this."

He pulled a large album from a drawer in the coffee table, thumping it with the back of his knuckles and waving it in the air for me to take. My eyes lit up at the opportunity to peek into his past, though guilt still pulled at me, wishing I could fix the problem I'd caused myself. The boys hadn't shared much with me about themselves before I had joined their group, the only pictures of their childhood to be seen had been at Kota's. I hadn't even seen those very well, always being hurried through the hall up to his room. I laid the roses out on top of the coffee table, covering it's entire surface before plopping down next to Sean, glad for the distraction. He smiled widely at me and bounced a little in excitement, plonking the album down in my lap.

I examined the white leather cover bordered in silver filigree and ran my hand over it's spine, noting the Japanese characters that announced the family name Green and the year the album had been put together. He opened the stiff cover for me and I was greeted both by rectangles in black and white and color, little windows to Sean's past. The first few pictures were blurry, two people holding a small baby together in different poses. His tiny dark haired mother looked so severe, holding a goofily grinning curly haired tot up so he could stand. Sean moved his hand to turn the next page and stopped midway, letting the paper fall back down and putting his hand over the top of it so I couldn't turn it either. I looked up to see his cheeks had pinked.

"Oops. I forgot this was in here."

He closed the book and tried to take it out of my lap. I latched on to it and pulled, gaining possession and holding it out of his reach, giggling. He laughed too, but still reached for it. His nervousness was adorable.

"No, don't Sang. At least let me skip a few pages, okay?"

"Why? Surely there's no deep dark Academy secrets in your baby pictures Sean."

I hurriedly flipped the page open to where we'd left off and turned to the page he had tried to hide. There he was, the same tot climbing out of a small bubble filled bathtub, his eyes full of mischief and his bare bottom in clear, dimpled glory. Laughter burst from my lips despite trying to hold it back with my fingers. He covered his eyes halfway, peeking with me while I looked.

"Baba always wanted to be a photographer. Not sure why he had to practice on me so much."

I held the book at arms length, cocking my head to one side and taking in all his cute plump adorableness.

"Because you were cute, Sean."

"Were?"

"Still are." I corrected myself, going fluttery at the admission and the slow grin it gained from him.

I turned the next page myself, my cheeks as pink as Sean's now that we had looked at his cute, but revealing bath time pictures. I settled into his side, getting comfortable next to him as we flipped through his growth on up to his teenage years, pictures of a young Mr. Blackbourne showing up midway, just as formal as he was now. Pictures of the boys showed up too, and I forgot myself at a particularly sweet image of them all posing together on a suburban lawn, the boys no more than twelve years old and he and Mr. Blackbourne teenagers that hadn't quite filled out into the men they were now.

A half hour had passed before I realized it, so engrossed was I in Sean's fascinating history. I pouted when he finally closed the book, placing it on the in table next to the couch. My gaze strayed to the garden outside, the fear returning now that I was thinking about what happened again. I couldn't believe Mr. Blackbourne was still pacing, his ear still glued to his phone, Silas waiting with him but sitting now, his head laid back on the siding like he was tired. I gulped. I could feel the talk I would have to have with Mr. Blackbourne coming soon, hovering in my stomach like a bomb waiting to drop. Sean sighed and rubbed my back between my shoulder blades where I was stiff with tension.

"Come on, Pumpkin. I have some boring life stuff to take care of before our family meeting tonight. Do you want to watch a movie? Play a game? I think I have some of those somewhere around here."

He got up and opened the cupboard door on his entertainment center. I shook my head and gestured to his kitchen, standing up and gathering the contract and flowers he'd given me so I could work on them there. I sniffed at them appreciatively again and awkwardly shifted everything so I could slip the signed paper into my bra. I almost lost the roses in the process and pricked my thumb.

"Do you have any powdered sugar?"

He looked up from the open entertainment center, looking off to the side as he thought. "I don't know. Luke keeps me supplied in the basic bachelor's fare, but what most of it is I couldn't tell you. Shall we go look?"

I nodded, ready to do something constructive to keep my nervous energy at bay. He led the way into the kitchen, turning the lights on for me and opening a cupboard to search for what I wanted. I spread the roses next to the sink, touching over the blooms again before bending down to look for a bowl. I balanced on the pads of my feet, my hand brushing over the ridges of paint that had dried on my pants. Every detail of how the paint had splattered all over Miss Ayers played back in my mind. I covered my eyes but still saw it. Pink. Red. Green. The choking sounds she made as I left the classroom with the two kids in tow.

"Here we are. I'm surprised I had any. Oh. Uhhhh."

I shook away the images and looked back over my shoulder, glad he had found some. Instead of meeting his gaze like I expected to, he was looking over at the kitchen door, where Silas filled the doorway, lifting his chin in greeting. He looked tired.

"Mr. Blackbourne needs you for a minute, Doc."

Sean nodded and held the pink labeled plastic bag of powder out to me. I took it limply and watched the two leave together, leaving me alone in the kitchen with my doubts. The bag was cold and heavy, crinkly too. I stood and plopped it down on the counter beside the roses, staring at the tiny puff of white that had emitted from some invisible hole along the seam. I tortured myself with what if's for a long moment before shaking myself out of my trance. I pulled at a drawer handle, the first of many in my search of Dr. Sean's kitchen for the things I would need to make the roses into something nice for the boys, knowing that it wouldn't be enough to make up for all the trouble I had caused.