Sweet Expressions

A Bitter Sugar Pill To Swallow

I closed my eyes and let the bed be all I thought about. Soft blankets could make all the bad things go away if I tried hard enough. Go away sick tummy. Go away headache. Ticking on the shelf, a drip from the bathroom down the hall, every distraction was welcome. I opened my eyes and let them wander over the ceiling, trying to distract myself. Anything to ease the pit that I was going to have to explain everything that had happened, that I had made mistakes that could have been avoided to a man I had never wanted to disappoint.

I hadn't been on the bed but two minutes before Silas poked his head through the door, a white cordless phone held to his ear with his shoulder. He wanted something judging by the inquisitive rise of his eyebrows.

"Everyone is coming over in an hour. What kind of pizza do you like?"

I turned my head back to the ceiling where I had been contemplating life a moment before, the detail in every flaw of paint already noted. I wasn't even hungry. Everything was twisting inside too much to be.

"I'll just have what everybody else wants. Let them decide."

Silas pursed his lips in a perfect thinking pout and nodded to himself. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, wondering why he was hovering around the door. He waggled his eyebrows at me and went back to talking to whoever he had on the telephone, leaving my view and letting me get back to committing the ceiling to memory. I closed my eyes after everything had been burned into them. The air pressure in the room changed, and my stomach sank all the way down to the floor underneath the bed I lay on. I dreaded finding out who had arrived just now, weeding out Gabriel, Victor, or North as possible suspects. Whoever it was was too quiet.

It couldn't be anyone else but the last person I wanted to see right now. That was how things worked. I turned my head and there he was, his jacket halfway off white shirted shoulders and looking surprised to find me in the bedroom. We had only a moment to study each other before his cell phone went off, chirping in his pocket.

He gave me a hurried glance as he pulled his jacket back on and the phone from his pocket to slip out of the room, answering it in a professional tone and closing the door just enough to leave a small gap. I slumped in relief when I couldn't hear his baritone voice anymore, disappearing in the depths of the condo. I was still wearing the paint spattered clothes, reminding me of how badly I'd messed up.

Nothing I could do about it now.

Throwing an arm over my eyes did not help keep the tears in. I was glad he was busy answering his phone, so he didn't have to see me this way. I should have been able to handle such a simple assignment. They were never going to let me go on another, let me feel like I was contributing something and pulling my weight.

The door opened abruptly again and I nearly bolted. It was the ginger mixed with roses that permeated my senses that kept me from doing so, though it was a close bet that I might have anyway if I hadn't been so worn out by the evening's events. I kept my arm over my eyes, pushing harder as if to press the tears into my sleeve, or to hide them better. Rustling was placed into my lap and the rose smell became stronger, heady. I looked down, startled.

There on my lap were dozens, dozens and dozens of pink roses, all in full bloom. I scooped an arm under the one precarious side so they wouldn't fall and looked up, surprised out of my tears. Dr. Green had another armful he laid at my side, only a slight prickle at my thigh from the thorns, and sat on my other side, his arm behind me so he could lean in. He kissed my nose, getting the waterworks underway full force again. My lip trembled and he brushed a thumb over my cheek, trying to wipe my emotional guilt away.

"Now, now. That's the opposite of the desired effect Pumpkin. The roses were supposed to make you feel better, not worse."

I held them up to my face and sobbed in them, nodding my head in agreement. I knew that, it was the reason I was crying. He had made me feel better, which had also felt worse somehow. It was so confusing. All I could do was hide my face in the flowers until I got a hold of myself, and somehow that just made me sadder, that I wasn't responding correctly. I couldn't do anything right today. His hand smoothed over my back comfortingly, keeping a gentlemanly distance between us that I leaned in to. That at least seemed to please him and he hugged me, letting some of his warmth seep in to my despair, chasing some of it away.

"Well, do what you like with them. Put them in a vase, plunk them in the garbage, whack them around if it makes you feel better. That's what they're for."

I giggled at the thought of whacking them around like a madwoman and inhaled again, gathering the ones he'd placed by my side into the biggest armful of flowers I'd ever held. My headache still throbbed, but my head felt clearer. I ran my hand over the soft feathery tops of them, tickling my palm; there were so many.

"I can never put this many out. I don't have any vases."

He got up and stretched, then put his hands on his hips and gazed towards the hall.

"I have a couple...I think. They should be somewhere around here."

I nodded and plunged my face into the happy heads of flowers, trying to let their cheerfulness change my own mood. I smiled despite myself and nodded towards the blooms filling my arms. Since there was such an abundance of them I could do something fun I hadn't done in a long time and still have plenty to put in vases around his condo. I smiled uncertainly at him.

"I think I'll put some of these out now and make the others into a surprise for later."

Sean bent, kissing my forehead, touching the back of my head tenderly to hold me still. The warmth from his lips made my eyes close of their own accord, wishing the moment would last longer even as he pulled away and shared my gaze. He smiled sadly and pulled a lock of my hair forward, rubbing the strands back and forth between his fingers.

"Whatever you want Pookie. Just remember us guys all do stupid things in our conquest of being clever. So forgive that lunkhead for putting you through that, will you?"

I became confused. Who was a lunkhead? He dropped my hair and pulled a small card from his pocket, handing it to me. "For you. Had a devil of a time getting Owen to sign, but there it is, in crisp black and white."

I glanced up in surprise and shifted the mountain of flowers so I could open the plain folded paper. My contract had been neatly typed up, and there, at the bottom, was the flourish of Blackbourne's signature in perfect black ink; Owen T. Blackbourne.

I closed it again silently, my eyes wide, wondering what the T stood for. I slumped. Even if Sean had gone to so much trouble, I had lost the bet already. Sean noticed my spirits falling and perked up, alarmed.

"What's wrong? I didn't forget anything, did I? I mean, I was kind of distracted at the time. Owen knows my weakness is apple pie, but I'm pretty sure I got everything despite..."

I shook my head and lifted the small document up. "I've already failed. So he wins."

Sean stared at me for a moment like his thoughts were distracted and then he cheered considerably.

"No he doesn't. The bet was only lost if Gabriel fails the assignment, remember?"

That threw my brain for a loop. I wasn't so sure. "But I was supposed to..."

Sean put a hand over my mouth and wagged a finger at me.

"Ah ah, no arguing. If Owen doesn't like it, then he'll have to take it up with me. Trust me, after what happened the last time we had a similar argument, he won't want to open that nappy any time soon. You'll win your bet as long as Gabriel makes it to the end."

He winked at me and let his hand slide down from covering my mouth so I could giggle. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask what it was he had done before to win an argument with Mr. Blackbourne, but Sean tsked at me, pulling me up from the bed by slipping an arm around my waist, tugging insistently.

"I know what you need to finish off your having a bad day treatment. You need a distraction. I might have one of those somewhere around here."