Love Me or Leave Me

XII. Hope

Few days have passed after that Christmas event I will never forget. Sia is here and we have "girl talk" moment about her travels and adventure with her family, plus her new beau. Yes, you heard me right, her new beau. I don't know how to tell Carl about this I don't want him to be sad. Carl and I forgot to plan ahead before Sia's arrival, because of different schedule and agendas.

"Sis, my heart now will overflow with happiness..", Sia said as she keep smiling to me. "It's like, I never been in love this way before.." she added.

"How long do you know this Guy, Sia?", I asked her worriedly.

"Just 2 weeks ago, while we're having a night out with my bro and sis. Lei, you don't know how gentleman he is!", Sia responded with my interrogations. I don't know how Carl will react if I tell him about this, but he needs to know.

"Okay, Sia.. as long as you're happy then, but please just take it slow, Okay?", I told her asking for an assurance. I don't wanna see my best friend cry again about seldom boys she's meeting in the way.

"Of course, Lei. you don't need to worry about me. I will let you know when he is free, so that you can meet him,", Sia told me excitedly.

"alright, hmm, Sia I gotta go first I need something to finish beforehand. see you later.". I told her. I took my cellphone and started to type a message as I went outside and got a cab on my way to starbucks. I need to see Carl right away. I leave Sia at my room. That's very normal for us.

"Hey, Carl... I need to tell you something. Can we meet on the same place?", my message sent.

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"Lei, is there any problem?", Carl approached me and sat beside as he looks worriedly at me.

"Carl, you need to know..", I sighed.

"know what?, jut tell me.", Carl told me impatiently.

"... Sia,.. she has a new boyfriend. She met him while she was on vacation..., I'm so sorry.. ", I told him

"ouch, he came very quick huh..", Carl looks disappointed.

"Yah, I know.. That's why I messaged you right away, I don't want you to wait that long.. Sia sometimes is impulsive but indecisive.. she quickly grab anything if she feels like it will make her excited and if she thinks she's okay with it.", I said to him giving him a pat on the shoulder.

"It's okay, Lei.. It just sadden me a bit. She don't know yet that I like her, we even don't get a chance to know each other that well... but really, it' ok., you look sadder than me,", as he said while attempting to force a smile.

"How about i will treat you a coffee today to make you at least a little happy?, I asked.

"haha, no need Lei. I will be the one to buy.", Carl went to the counter and order.

"hey, give me a chance to make it up to you! you don't have to treat me again.", as i went but I don't have any choice.

"take it easy, I want to prove to you that I don't have the intention to bribe you again. I cannot ask for more. maybe, I'm too late for Sia.", he smiled.

"*sighs*, If only, we had the chance before that. If only Sia waited more. If only he has been careful who she wanted to date.. ugghh,", I said like I feel for Carl. I don't want to see him disappointed and sad. But what should I do? I can not do anything about this at all. we are too late.

"You don't have to feel that way, Lei. I'm grateful that I got to know you as well. You really are a good friend... and Sia is so lucky to have you all the time..", Carl said. I saw he's telling the truth as I looked him in the eye. His light-brownish eyes, beautiful long- lashes looking back at me.

I felt like I blushed all of a sudden. My thoughts now are playing, my mind now is saying, "I really like this guy alot.., but he doesn't have the same feelings for me.. and that hurts me a bit.."

I frowned from what my thoughts was saying.

"You know what Carl, You can have me too whenever you need me... anytime. It's a pleasure to help you at any circumstances. you know what I mean? hmm, just don't forget that...", I told him with a little bit of ache in my heart.

"uhmm, I need to go right now Carl. I forgot Sia's still in my room. maybe she's now looking for me.. I need to go..", I added. I already made an excuse so that I can not feel any awkwardness between my heart and my mind, my feelings... for him...

"okay, Lei.. If you don't mind I can give you a ride...", Carl said.

"No, no need Carl.. I made my way here on my own. I can go home alone. I will just ride via cab.", as I bid goodbye, hurriedly.. I am so anxious. I don't know why I refused his offer. all I really need now, is to go far from him.

He smiled at me as I went through...

That sweet smile that makes me smile too... I bid goodbye...