Against One's Wishes

Chapter 6

(Contains Harry/Ben. Just a warning.)

Harry stirs the next morning, opening his eyes slowly to see Louis asleep next to him, his arm thrown over Harry's stomach. Harry smiles a little before he's gently moving Louis' arm off of himself, hoping to not wake Louis.

Louis only moves a little, but soon is sound asleep again on the pillow and Harry's quietly climbing out of the bed, gathering his clothes from the floor.

He takes the note from his coat and places it on the pillow next to Louis before he studies Louis' face again.

He recalls the night before, when Louis mentioned asking him out; Harry can't get it out of his head for some reason. He knows he can't start a relationship with Louis... Louis has too much at stake to throw it away on him.

Yet, Harry can't stop himself from wondering what it would be like to be in a relationship with Louis... what it would be like to actually date him, spend nights here with him, cuddling with him every single night... even though Harry has never desired any of these things before.

Harry sighs and pushes the thoughts away quickly as he dresses. He picks up his and Louis' soiled shirts and goes across the hall to place them in Louis' hamper in the bathroom.

Then, he's stopping in Louis' doorway as he's buttoning up his coat completely; he stares at the blonde headed man in the bed and whispers out, "bye, Louis," before he's slowly walking down the hall for the door.

He makes it back to his apartment by 8:35 am and he's hurrying to his bathroom to take a quick shower before Ben's arrival. He doesn't know exactly what time he's coming, but he knows Ben... he'll find any way to get to Harry's as soon as possible most of the time.

When Harry finishes in the bathroom, he goes to his kitchen, pouring a glass of milk before going back into the bedroom.

He sits down on his bed, his cigarettes and matches lying beside him along with his cigar box full of joints.

He drinks down the milk and then picks up his notepad again, jotting down quotes, the first one being, 'it is what you read when you don't have to that determines who you will be when you can't help it'. He studies it for a moment, then writes down another, 'society exists only as a mental concept; in the real world, there are only individuals'.

He places the pen between his teeth, staring at the quotes on his paper. Another comes to mind and he's quickly jotting it down under the others.

'One's real life is so often the life that one does not lead'.

Harry recalls another and writes it down...

'Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; but both are disappointed'.

Harry smiles a little at this particular quote, knowing how true it actually is for some people... but he soon stops smiling and bites his lip when he realizes all of these quotes he's written down pertain to Louis himself, and how he has subconsciously thought of each and every single one and wrote them down.

He hears his door open and looks up, waiting for Ben to appear in his bedroom doorway. He takes out a joint and lights it with a match before he's glancing down at the quotes again.

"Hey," Ben greets from his doorway.

"Hey," Harry says without looking at him, "didn't think you'd be here this early."

"Yeah, well," Ben starts before he's walking to the bed and sitting down, "told her I had a few meetings today with publishers for the next book."