Loving Every Bone in Your Body

Chapter 1.2 || Falling for You

You search the mountain until it turns night.

Frisk and your Mom never come home.

You search the mountain and your house until the night of the next day.

Frisk and your Mom are still gone.

You search the mountain, your house, and the entire city until the end of your break.

Frisk is still missing, your mom was found, dead in a hotel overdosed, your dad's will and check arrived hidden under a stack of unpaid bills, and your project was never finished.

You search the mountain, the entire city, and neighboring cities for the rest of the month.

Frisk is still missing, you didn't go to your mom's funeral, you lost the house, you were fired from all three jobs, and your college dropped you for not showing up for your final exams or remakes.

You continue to search.

So easily, you had lost everything you remotely cared about.

You now sat on a fallen tree, staring at your worn boots, trying to mend a broken finger after going too high on the mountain and slipping. You didn't have anything proper to splint it, but you were sure trigs and the fabric from your shirt would work for the meantime.

In the afternoon light, a camp was set up next to you in the glow of a miniature campfire, your makeshift home in the cold while you continued to search for Frisk.

The police never tried to hard to look for the lost 3rd grader. Every claim you made they brushed off as your mother finally snapping, losing Frisk somewhere in the city on purpose, before killing herself.

You knew that wasn't it... because you lost Frisk. You should've gone outside with them... but instead you sat thinking. You sat for 6 damn hours thinking, and during that time Frisk disappeared off of the face of the Earth and your mother decided it would be better without her.

You still searched. Searched for Frisk, for answers, for a reason not to go against yourself. You were so... so close to losing it.

Your dad was happier without you. Your mom was happier without you. Frisk was happier without you. Your boss's, and your college was happier without you.

You...You were happier without you.

But you couldn't think like that for long, because as soon as the depressing thoughts seeped in, your mind went to Frisk and once again you busied yourself with searching.

You were determined to find them. You were determined... to stay kind. You knew as soon as you began to lose your kindness and start hating yourself or others, you'd fall apart.

As you wrapped yourself up in the same quilt that used to lay in your room, your eyes fluttering shut and your conscious leaving, you wish you could restart that first day over.

Just...once.

Maybe then you could get rid of the hurt and guilt you wallowed in. The... bleakness that clouded your vision, the panic you felt when you thought about your future, the heart wrenching pain that stabbed at you whenever you let your mind wander too much, which led to degrading yourself. Fill the hole that seared itself into you and made you feel empty.

Let you do something other than wander endlessly.

One minute, you were lazily relaxing on a fluffy blue cloud in a green sky, talking to a smiling red ceramic mug about why phones should be made of cabbage and mildly spicy tartar sauce, and the next you're staring at your real life quilt covered lap, looking at your hands in hazy wonder in the darkness of your real room.