His Exception (Ongoing)

still here

still here

Cassandra

 
I should've never listen to her. But It's too late to go back now.

"This is a bad idea." I told my friend slash room mate Marie.

"Anu kaba! minsan lang to Cassandra pag bigyan mona ko at birthday ko naman!"

We were at the bar and It wasn't Marie's birthday either. Iyon lang ang laging sinasabi nito kapag malungkot at gustong mag aliw. But this time it wasn't Marie that is sad..

"Hindi naman magagalit si pogi dahil pinaalam naman kita,"

"You didn't know him!" I shouted, hoping she could hear me. The bar is packed that night and the music blasted in our ears.

I promised him that I will be home before nine dahil nag usap na kami. Ayaw niya sana akong payagan pero dahil pinaalam ako ni Marie na birthday niya ay napilitan si Kase.

"Were here to have fun ano kaba Cassandra!" She said to me while dancing.

"Kailangan kona talaga umuwi Ri," I told her checking my phone with twelve missed call from the dare devil. It was already past nine.

I'm so so dead.

...

After Marie convinced me a hundred times to loosen up a little bit, I didn't even realise that it was now my fourth shot of tequila sunrise.

It was so late but the club is still alive. I forgot that I have a curfew and I didn't even notice the time.

The music change, It's still loud but slower.

I was still dancing my heart out. This is so much better than me crying alone in my apartment. Siguro hindi naman masama na kahit paminsan-minsan unahin mo rin yung sarili mo.

I didn't know that being in a relationship took so much from you. Like for example energy. It was hell to be functioning all at once with the exams and relationship problems. I was drained the whole freaking week of everything. Kase didn't knew that I was crying and keeping it all to my self.

Ayokong mas maging pabigat sa kanya dahil alam kong mas kailangan niya ko ngayon. Even after what he told me, I didn't utter a thing to him. I just cried.. I was so weak. Hindi ko alam anong sasabihin ko.. His mother is missing and he's going to enter the military. Feeling ko tuloy lagi akong iniiwan ng mga mahal ko kahit hindi naman ako yung rason, Pero sinisisi ko parin sarili ko.

So just for tonight I'll be careless. I'll blame this tequila for being emotional and over thinker.

I stop dancing when I saw Marie. She was with someone–no she was kissing someone.

Para siyang nakaramdam ng inggit ng mga sandaling iyon. Lagi nang ganon si Marie simula nang maging room mate niya ito. Masayahin at parang walang paki sa mundo. She's been living indipendent for years now and kahit minsan hindi ko siya nakitang malungkot. She handle her self very well. Unlike me, onting mali lang hindi ko na alam gagawin ko. Maliit na problema lang masyado ko nang iisipin at apektadong apektado na agad ako.

I excuse my way out the big crowd. This partying and drinking isn't helping me I'm still overthinking.

Napabuntong hininga na lamang siya habang nag lalakad pa punta ng restroom. I look my self in the mirror. She was such a mess, mugto ang kanyang mata at walang ganong tulog. Imblis na mag pahinga siya para maging maayos ay hindi niya ginawa. Hindi rin naman siya makatulog kakaisip.

Her head is pounding. Tila parang umeepekto na ang kanyang mga ininom.

Nag lalakad na siya pabalik nang may humila sa kanya at mariing idinikit sa ding-ding. She didn't have to check who did it. His colonge is enough for her to recognize him.

"Hi." I said to him playfully.

"Uuwi na tayo." He said with an authoritive voice.

Always like a boss.

I'll just text Marie later na nauna nako.

It was silent inside his car all the way to my apartment. Parang walang gustong mag salita saming dalawa.

I went inside first and change my clothes. I didn't mind the eyes that's watching all my move.

I stop when I felt him behind my back. Parang automatikong bumigat ang aking pakiramdam.

"I don't want to go Cassy." He told me.

Ayaw niyang humarap dahil namumuo na ang luha sa kanyang mata.

I don't want him to leave me either. I'm scared. I thought I was okay being here alone cause I have a home for my self and I have friends and him... But everything change. It's different now that I'm inlove with him. It made me happy and excited to go school and home because I know I'll see him. Which is different when were just friends.. He's the meaning to my everything now. Just thinking of my hands without his, It's empty.

I sighed. I wanted to tell him that but instead I said this. "Everything will be okay. You just have to come back after diba?"

He was silent. "Pano kung abutin ako ng ilang taon? Pano kung sobrang tagal bago ako makabalik? Pano kapag... kapag hindi na ako makabalik?..."

Now I don't know what to say. He was right. I didn't think it through like that.. I hate this...

Hindi na niya kayang pigilan pa ang luha na gustong kumawala sa kanyang mata.

I hate to admitt it but I know the answer to that. I can see my self waiting for him to come back kahit walang kasiguraduhan.

"Kase.. hindi ako dapat yung mas iniisip mo dito. You should more think of the important matter. Okay lang ako, Sanay na ko mag isa I'll be fine."

"Don't say that!" He said facing me wipping my tears with his thumb. "You're not okay.. Ayokong masanay kang mag-isa..."

I don't want to think about the little possibilities... That's my only hope so I want to be positive. Because he's the great thing that ever happens to me and I only want to remember that. And besides, hearing him so honest and open with what he thinks about us is enough for me to be contented. I'm very lucky to have someone who love me and doesn't want to leave me.. unlike what my mom did.

Maybe this is what the meaning of loving someone. Even if there is no assurance, no enough valid reasons, you'll take it. Even willing to sacrifice yourself, Give more than what you can recieve. Even if it doesn't make sense as long as you're with that person. I close my eyes. I'm putting my self into something I know I'll regret someday. I didn't know that I can love someone to this extent. It's scary.. even though I know I'll lose everything... I'm still here with him.