His Exception (Ongoing)

lost

lost

Cassandra

  
He stayed with me and spend the night. It's first maybe the last too. I sighed, atleast It was peaceful cause when I'm with him I forget all my anxiety. I move and face him, I wonder if he's sleeping. I reach for his hair and stroke it. I know I will remember this kind of moment. He doesn't like to sleep with me...atleast not now...And I don't know what to do in that kind of situation either. I forget to live and I'm too focused to myself and study, unlike him. I've witnessed all of his relationships and sometimes I wondered what he likes about me. He dated many beautiful girls in and out of campus and I can't even compare my self to them. I'm just.. You know too plain? We've been together for I don't know how many months already and yet he doesn't tell me anything. But he's making me feel everything.. What am I even thinking? Were friends for so long and we know each other more than ourselves yet here I am questioning him.

Sometimes he's too much to handle but he never go beyond my bounderies. He knows me so well and I like that about him. That he only takes what I can give to him and he doesn't pressure me to anything that I don't like. Even though I know myself that I'll definitely give everything to him.

I close my eyes immediately when I felt him move. He move close to me and I felt his lips touch mine.

How can I not love you so much when you were like this?

Ramdam niyang bumangon ito at tumayo. His phone vibrates and he answered.

"I'm awake don't call me. I'm with her. just give me ten minutes then I'll go," he said in the other line pausing before answering.

I felt him near me. I wonder what time is it.

He kiss my lips again and sits beside me.

I don't know why but I felt my self crying again. I am fighting hard. I don't want him to see me.

He sighed and talks again. "Still here, yeah." He pause again. He was brushing my hair this time.

No. Don't cry. Not now.

I know it's time. He's probably talking to his sister now. He has to go and he needs to. I've known his family and they've been good to me all this years because weve been friends for so long. I was the only one he introduce to his family and they were so intrigue but were just friends that time and were kids.I don't like them to think that I'm stopping him just because were dating. I have so much respect for his mom, Mrs. Lardoza. and I hope she's okay and safe wherever that she is now.

I heard him end the call. He's now touching my face. Placing yet again a longer kiss to my lips and on my forehead.

My heart is aching. He doesn't want to go and I can't stop him even if god knows how I wanted to.

The bed moves. I heard him gets his things, there was a long pause before my bedroom door opens.

I want to open my eyes to see him but I'm afraid that I'd cry. That I will and I'll just make him feel bad. I don't want him to blame his self, neither any of this is his fault.

"I love you.." he said quietly enough for me to hear him.

I cannot contain my self anymore. I'm gonna cry. I shift reaching for something to cover my self to him.

"I love you so much Cassy..." is the last thing he said before closing my door and left.

Why.

Why would you say it like that?

"You could just go and left in silent you fool!" I was sobbing so hard.

I stand up rush my self to the window so I can see him one last time.

Everything just fell apart. It felt like it slams into me. Every emotion that I contain when I'm with him. I wanted to tell him everything. Para saan pa? Huli na ang lahat. He left already and you don't even know when he'll come back. Ngayon mo pa naisipang sabihin lahat kung kelan wala na siya. I close my eyes as my subconcious slaps me big time. How can I be so stupid? I can solve every hard math problems but I cannot do this?

I wipe my face. Just stop! He will go back. It will be fine. It's gonna be okay, right?

Who am I kidding?

I cry even harder when I saw him standing there. He was so lost just like me. I was out of words, crying in the middle of the night.

You ask too much of me, Yet here I am willing to give it openly. I wipe my face again. I know this won't be easy without you but what can I do? I love you so much too. I love you so much too, Case. I hope you can hear me now. You need to comeback fast. I don't like waiting.
I'll miss you. When did I not? but this time It will hurt like hell. You give me too much to miss you, how dare you? I sob wipping my face again.

Akala ko ba hindi mo ako sasaktan?

Oh right you didn't promise and I hate that about you.

You're doing it again huh? Why can't you just go and left like a normal person? Why didn't you make a promise? Bakit hindi ka man lang nag salita ng iba? You could just say bye then left. I can pretend it was a one night stand like the ones you always tell me in the past. I always tell you their not toys but you always treat them like a clown. Why can't you be like that now? So I can hate you and forget you easily. You weren't the person you making me see! You're always doing the wrong thing making your own decissions. How can I not love you so much when your like this to me? You left me with the last words you say when I first heard you say you loved me. You know me damn well I'll remember it for the rest of my life! How could you?

The last thing I see is you hoping inside your car. You drive fast away from me.

Maaring nakita niya ko at umalis palayo sakin dahil kilala niya ang sarili. He'll walk back here and I know I will be weak. Too weak to even stop him from wanting me.

Love makes you think and risk on dangerous things like it was nothing.

I turn my back still crying as I lay on my bed.

Do you intent to make me wait for that long? I hope you don't cause you know I will.

Is this what you want? No. No. Cass This isn't what he wants. I said to my self.

Starring at the cieling feeling lost in my dark room. I reach for my pillow to comfort me. I need to wash my face or it will mark tomorrow. Closing my eyes and inhales deeply. It smelt of him. I turn and hug it tighter now, closing my eyes again. I wish I'll stop from hurting now. I dout, I know that the pain in my chest will remain. When he left I know he took my heart with him.