Fine

Chapter 8

The whole way home I had been thinking of which day I was going to pick. I had a couple of ideas in my mind. I was thinking maybe my birthday, the day Ethan died, or maybe Ethan's birthday. I even thought about doing it on a holiday, but that would just be mean. Eventually, I decided on Ethan's birthday. It was the closest date anyway. Today was November 22. My suicide date was December 21.

When I was finally in the safety of my room I ripped off my shirt and broke my promise to Austin.

Words cannot describe how amazing it felt. I couldn't stop, seeing my blood made me inexplicably happy. The sting felt comforting in a strange way.

I am not mad, I am not mad.

"I am not mad, I am not mad." I said as I made a huge gash on my arm. I suddenly had the idea to re-create something I had seen a long time ago. I got as much blood on my hands as I could and then pressed them to the wall. I made sure they smeared, just like I had seen in Austin's room.

"I'm fine." I said. I spelled out the word fine on the wall in my blood. I picked up the razor again and made another cut. I again covered my hands in the blood that oozed out. I covered myself in it. It was in my hair, on my face, and on my clothes.

All I wanted was for there to be blood everywhere.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

"I'm coming in." It was Austin. When the door started to open my vision got covered in black spots.

"ASHER!" Was all I heard before I blacked out.

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My head hurt and my arms stung. My eyes were too heavy to open but I managed it anyway. I immidiatley recognized my surrondings as the hospital. I had a feeling I would end up here.

"Ash?" I heard Austin's voice and turned my head. The look on his face brought forth a wave if guilt inside of me.

"You promised, Ash. I thought you were really gonna stop. I can't believe I believed you." Austin said. He looked so hurt. It caused more guilt to course through me.

"I really thought you were gonna stop..." Tears started to trail down his face. I wanted to say something but I couldn't think of anything good.

"Goddamn it stop staring at me! Say something!" He said in hopeless anger.

"I-I'm sorry." My voice came out weak and strained. Austin sighed.

"When can I go home?" I asked Austin.

"You're not going home."

"What?"

"You need help, Ash. After this youre going home to pack then straight to a... a place for troubled kids." He said.

"No."

"Yes."

"No, I'm not going. You can't make me go."

"Yes we can, you're under eighteen."

"Please don't make me go!"

"Ash it's for the best. Now I'm gonna go tell everyone else you're awake." Austin got up not letting me say another word of protest.

I can't believe this. They're sending me away with all the other crazies. The worst part is the fact I won't be able to cut. God, I can't believe this! I'm fine! Didn't they see what I wrote on the wall? I said I was fine! They obviously can't read. Those bastards.

My thoughts were interuppted by every single person in my family shuffling in the room like the bastards they were.

"Ash..." Was all my mom said before starting to cry. I felt no guilt while watching the tears pour down her face. She was sending me away, why should I care about her tears? I looked at Matt. His eyes were wide in terror. I switched to Madi. Her eyes were red and puffy. She had been crying. Then I looked at Gavin. He didn't know what was going on but he was still crying. My dad looked stressed but I could tell he didn't truly care.

I was just his adopted son. I was just a waste of money. I knew he didn't like me all that much, I saw it in his eyes.

"Ash, I thought you got better. Is this because of what happened to Ethan?" My heart forze when she said his name.

She had no right to say his beautiful name. She was runing it. Her bitch mouth was ruining my angel's name.

I would have slapped her if I could move.

"Mom, Dad? Can you leave? And take Gavin?" Madi spoke up. They understood immediately. They knew I liked Austin, Madi, and even Matt more than them. They took Gavin and walked out of the room.

"You can go too, if you want." Madi said to Matt.

"I'm fine." He said sitting down in a chair. Madi sat next to him and Austin stayed standing.

"Were you trying to kill yourself?" Madi asked. Of course not. I already had a date for that and yesterday was not that day.

"No." I said.

"Did you know you almost did? If Austin hadn't come in you could have bleed to death. But I bet you don't even care that he saved you." Madi said. She was making me sound like an asshole. But I guess I kind of am.

"You know we care about you." She said after she realized I wasn't gonna say anything.

"Why do you still do it?" Madi continued.

"You don't understand." I said.

"Then help me!" She whined.

"I watched two people die, Madi. I watched Ethan get shot. I got shot. I watched Spencer shoot himself. I got raped, Madi. Life isn't roses and this is how I deal." I said.

"There are other ways to deal with everything." Matt said like he fucking knew everything.

"Like what?" I shot at him.

"You can talk to us." Austin said.

"Listen to music. Hang out with Emmitt. Go outside. Go online. Anything that won't hurt you." Madi said. I had nothing to say.

"We love you, Ash. We wanna see you get better." Austin said. If you really loved me you wouldn't be sending me away, bastards.

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This chapter is short I'm sorry :c please vote for this story if you like it :3 I really need some votes c: and a comment would be nice ;)

I just realized how weird this story was and how weird the cover is... Whoops.

Well thank you for reading ^-^ ily