NCIS: The New Recruit

Chapter 46

He just stared at me. He didn't say a word, just stared at me with a mixture of shock and disbelief.

He walked out onto the porch and leant against the fence, not saying anything, avoiding eye contact. I didn't blame him, his supposedly dead girlfriend had just turned up on his porch. The person he had said goodbye to a matter of days ago.

"I'm sorry I screwed up and I'm sorry I can't fix it. I'm a huge mess right now and that's the last thing you need. I screw up a lot, mostly to the people who mean the most to me. I'm scared that I'm going to lose you and you mean more to me than any other person on this planet. I never meant for this to happen, if I could have told you I would have. I wanted more than anything to reply to your message, tell you I'm OK and I'd be back. I could see how you blamed yourself for not being observant enough, I wanted to console you. I love you so much and I never meant to hurt you like this," I blurted out.

"You missed your birthday," he said.

"Matt, I..." he pulled me into a quick hug then let go.

"Molly, I... I don't..." he sighed, "I'm not sure if I can just say I forgive you and let things go back to how they were. Hell, I don't know if things will ever be the same again. I need time. I lost you, then I got you back and then the cycle started over. I can't go on like this! I need time..."

"I understand," I whispered before leaving him, fighting back tears.

I returned to school almost immediately. I wanted things back to normal as quickly as possible. The information I had given to NCIS meant that terror cell was ripped apart immediately but another two would spring up in its place. They always did.

I tried to act as though Matt leaving me wasn't an issue but it was. Everyone knew that. The team threw a belated birthday party for me but I wasn't into it at all. As soon as life went back to the way it was, I wouldn't be alright.

I distanced myself from working at NCIS as much as I could. I focused on my schoolwork, went to afterschool clubs, constantly took on new hobbies. Anything to keep my life on track and stop myself from having to cause hurt again.

Matt occasionally spoke to me. He didn't have much choice, we shared too many classes. I was just glad he stayed civil and we kept whatever was going on between us out of the classroom.

However, Samantha seemingly returned to school again after her time out of school. Apparently, she had just gone to the nearest school until her suspension was up and, lucky me, now it was.

"You're obviously doing this to get attention," she said as I was at my locker one day.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"All this drama that goes on with you. I highly doubt any of what you say is true, you constantly fake death to get people to be sympathetic. To not think you're such a weirdo," she said.

"You know what? I don't care what you think and I'm not going to stoop to your level. I'm happy now and I don't need you trying to ruin that." I said.

"Ooh, acting hard now, are we?" she laughed.

"No, not acting hard. Acting sensible. I know you're trying to get a reaction, trying to get me in trouble so you can get revenge on me getting you suspended without putting yourself in the line of fire again," I said, "It won't work."

"Oh well. Your little publicity stunt already backfired on you, what with your boyfriend ditching you," she laughed, "You know, he came to me for comfort when you had supposedly died!"

"He didn't ditch me, we are taking a break," I said, "And I highly doubt he came to you for sympathy, he hates you more than I do."

"Maybe he did, but he turned to the drink! He needed a shoulder to cry on in his drunken stupor and I felt I was needed, so I did the right thing and consoled him. I even have pictures to prove it," she held her phone and I felt sick to my stomach.

"He thought I was dead. If you think I'm going to hate him for cheating, think again," I forced the words out.

"Ah, you say that, but do you mean that? We're almost official!" she skipped away happily leaving me standing in shock.

I couldn't blame him. He thought I was dead and had turned to the nearest person for comfort. And if he was drunk he wouldn't have fully comprehended what he was doing.

But still. Samantha? Of all people, he chose Samantha. He hated Samantha, loathed her more than anybody else. But she was still the shoulder he cried on, the one he...

No, don't think about that part. He wouldn't even remember doing it. If I asked him he would probably not even remember getting drunk. He wasn't the drinking type, he obeyed the laws, but he could easily get into his parent's stash. But that was still unlike him.

I guess loss does things to people. Changes who they are. Last time he lost me, I was never truly dead. He was never lead to believe I was dead. And last time he also didn't blame himself for the state I had gotten into. This time he thought I had committed suicide, that he had been blind and not seen the signs. That he was wrong about how I was, he thought I was better after everything that had happened when I was suddenly gone. This time, he blamed himself for my death. The guilt mixed with the loss would have destroyed him.

As I thought about this, I started walking to class. However, when I turned the corner the one thing I didn't want to see was what I was greeted with.

"No..." I gasped as I stared at my boyfriend kissing my bully.