Trapped In My Thoughts...

more thinking

It's ironic how the people that said they would be there to hold your hand are the ones that left you first

They told you they would be there but walked out because your anxiety and depression was bad,

But they just made it worse

In their eyes you are broken and they care, but not enough to stay

But you know the second you're better, they come back around to play

It's not game, I'm a human being

I don't know why people don't understand

My emotions are not the pieces you can throw around in your hands

I fall down hard sometimes but I get up and walk away

I don't have to be told more than once in not wanted

You give me no reason to stay

I have trust issues and anger because I grew up dealing with a lot

And I try to hold it down

But like vomit, it creeps its way up

Into my throat where I struggle to swallow it down, I dont want the world to know

Because of someone sees me lose it, they think I'm broken

And I lose all control

I have to be in charge of everything I can

Because my mom taught me that I can do anything, I don't need a man

It's ironic because I like girls

But I hide it, because it's a sin

Just another feeling that I choke down and keep in

There's a world of hurt behind the walls I put up to stay protected

Because I can't handle letting someone in

Just to be rejected

There's pain in my heart and tears in my eyes

But you may never know

Because I always wear a smile, and refuse to cry

Crying makes me feel weak

Like I have nothing to keep grounded

And I don't want to share my inner self with the people by which I am surrounded

They don't understand what's behind the mask I wear

And even if I tried to explain,

I'm sure they wouldn't care

Its ironic how pain and suffering are over looked by those that say they know what you feel

Because if they knew, they would understand and I wouldn't be on this speil

But people in this lonely world only care about themselves

They only care about the things they have, their looks and nothing else

Because we grew up being told that we could do whatever we wanted

Just not to break the law

So instead people picked each other apart

They pointed out every flaw

And the only thing that comes of that, is broken people hiding behind their walls

And people on the other side

Pushing them to fall

But in the end you have to hold your own

And be who you feel inside

Even if it means you have sit alone, just don't hide