The Blog

Heart Break

Hi it's been a lot time I'm sorry. School is extremely hard and I have a job. Don't hate me. I'm innocent blame the homework.

Today I decided to talk about heart break considering I just got dumped by a guy I love. Let me start from the beginning on how we me. We met from a friend at school posted what is the worst thing a guy ever lied about to you. I happened to comment "love". I said "love" because I had an ex that used me to try and get to one of my best friend. Sucks really I found out then dumped him yet he didn't know I dumped him for that reason. But after I dumped him two days later he asked out my friend luckily she said no. Anyways the guy told me he loved me yet it was all a lie. Then at the time of this whole meeting the guy that I gave my heart only for him to break it I was dating a guy named Jack. Our relationship started out amazing then he stopped texting me and blamed it on me being too busy. Then I was invited to one of his family parties and he never introduced me to any of his family. It felt like he was too embarrassed of me. Then at the party a girl was looking at me and whispering in a friends ear. I could tell she was saying shit about me and Jack was right near her and he never said anything. He told me he loved me yet he never really proved it to me by not sticking up for me or anything. That's why I typed "Love" in my friends post. Well I got a message on Facebook and it was from a guy named Nate that I did not happen to know. He said something like wow that must of hurt. Next thing I knew we talked constantly. It was amazing he made me feel so alive and amazing. I never felt like this with anyone else. We met in person with my friend that had the post we commented on with us. We instantly had a connection. I never wanted to leave. Then I dumped Jack a month later to be with this amazing guy. Things were so good. Our first kiss was on his couch on our not so first date. I felt like a rebel my mom told me not to kiss him. But it was by accident the first time then we did it anyways. No making out by the way. Then after a little while we got more physical yet I made sure no sex. See I am Catholic and am saving myself for marriage. our relationship was good for almost a year. Sure he had to deal with my crazy mom that yells at me constantly or gets mad at him but he always was good to me. A month before our one year things became weird he stopped really texting me. I thought it was because I was such a I suck at texting which is true. Yet he still told me he loved me and we still cuddled. Then on our one year I was away and barely any connection while he was at a concert he wanted to go with me for our one year. The problem was I didn't exactly have the same taste in music as he did so I didn't care as long as I was with him I was happy. Then my dad told me a week before we where going camping I felt terrible. But he said it was fine. I had amazing gifts I planned to give him. First I bought him a sweatshirt because his other sweatshirt I bought got damaged. It was $50 but it was adorable and perfect for him. Then I decided to do some cute artsy things. I made a card that I drew a beaver on front on it that said are you a beaver then on the back it said because damn with a beaver winking. He loves puns so I made him it. Then I got four jars one filled with gummy worms and had a sign on it saying hooked on you sense 7.23.15. Then I had Hershey kisses in another jar and a little sign saying kisses for when I'm not around. Then I had one with Popsicle sticks and each had said something that I love about him. Then I had sweetish fish and it said out of all the fish on the sea you chose me. I had a box and put some Hershey kisses in it along with mike and ikes. The mike and ikes were the first candy we shared them I put some quotes and puns that pertained to us. Then some photos of us. I spent hours on it. Only for me to come home from vacation asking when we could see each other he told me he was busy. Then I asked if he was trying to say something else. He would tell me then finally he told me he wanted to break up. This was three days after our one year and over text. I never cried so much in my life. He told me we were not meant for each other. He told me like a week before that he loved me. He always made me promise me that I loved him. It hurts a lot. Even now I can't seem to look at guys the way I looked at him. The way I loved him was not some stupid relationship adults say won't last long and that we will get over. I won't I don't think I ever will. I know I sound so dramatic. Or your like what happen to that sassy girl we met in the beginning. It's called I fell in love and then I was alone. The sad thing is I blame myself. Even though I know I shouldn't. I question whether I was pretty enough or not a better girlfriend. I blocked him and sent pics of everything that I made/bought and sent it to him. I then proceeded to block him. Yet I go on my moms profile and hurt myself more and see how much he doesn't miss me and is always having fun while I am miserable. I never realized how much truly can hurt. Some quotes I found got me.

I cried a lot because of you. I laughed a lot because of you. I believed in love because of you. And now I'm heartbroken because of you.

She then realized that their "forever" had an expiration date, and that their numerous "I love you's" hadn't meant a thing.

I'm sorry I'm not what you wanted

She's got broken things where her heart should be.

"you promised me you would never leave me, not matter how hard things got, and I stupidly believed you. Now I'm still here reminiscing about you, and it's killing me, playing over what you promised me, but baby, you never meant a word."

Then Shawn Mended song stitches tears my heart up every time I listen to it.

Hoped you like my story I shared with you today. I hope its not too depressing and that my word makes you understand how hard it is. I hope you never feel this way, but if you have please share your story I don't judge. Comment on what you think I should write or share next. Like this chapter. Recommend this to your friends.