A Healed Heart. (A mans love book 1)

Part 3: Doubtful Moments

                                                    "One of the worst feelings in the world is having

                                     to question someone you thought was unquestionable."

                                                                                -courtesy of Pinterest.

Chapter 8

Ryan and I were very happy being boyfriends, and we loved each other's company. It seemed as though there were no visible problems in the relationship. There was however, one disagreement, and I found that out when we were at dinner, and I tried to kiss him. I felt a pang in my heart as he quickly pulled away "Wait." He said, placing a finger on my lips. "What's wrong baby?" I asked. "We, we can't do this now." He said, ashamed. He looked over and saw two people looking at us in disgust. "Why do you want to hide me?" I asked softly. "I don't want to." He said. "I just...I'm not ready to be open yet." "I see," I said, feeling very disappointed.

When we got home, Ryan went straight to his room and shut the door. "Ryan?" I called, but there was no response. I flopped unto the couch and sat there until I fell asleep....

I woke up to hear my phone ringing. I answered it, only to find out that it was Ryan at the county jail. He had been arrested for smoking pot in a strict, "No smoking" zone. I caught the bus and went downtown where I bailed Ryan out, and caught another bus to go back home. On the bus ride, Ryan tried to take my hand, but I snatched it away. When we got home, Ryan grabbed my arm, and turned me to face him. "What's wrong?" He demanded. I didn't answer; I just looked at him with raw anger in my eyes. And then I spoke. "You know you weren't supposed to be smoking as long as you were staying with me." "Well, a guy has needs." Ryan joked, but I was not in the mood. "I'm serious Ryan." I said. "Why did you do that after I told you not to?" "I don't see why it affects you so much." Ryan said, all joking aside. "That's not the point." I said. "Well, what is the point then?" Ryan asked. "The point is that you don't care about the repercussions of your decisions, you don't care about anything as long as you're having a good time. "Well, what about you Mr. Uptight!" Ryan shouted. "Mr. I'm so worried about my image! I saw how you looked away from me as we walked out of the jail." "You're afraid of what other people think of you." "I'm not afraid!" I shouted defensively, feeling my anger rise. Ryan took a deep breath. "It's alright." He said comfortingly. "You don't like me anymore because now I'm a convict." I knew that wasn't true, because I loved Ryan whether he was a thief, or a murderer. "That's not true" I stated. "I love you no matter what you are." "Don't lie to yourself Anthony." Ryan said. "You're the one who needs not to lie." I said. "You claim you love me, but you can't even handle when I tried to kiss you in a restaurant. "I'm not lying." Ryan said. "Yeah, right." I said as Ryan shoved me unto the couch. "Don't call me a liar." He commanded. I saw his eyes become dark in a sinister kind of anger. "You don't love me, you are a liar, I'm just another warm mouth to you." I said, and I felt my heart race as he jumped up and tackled me to the ground. I tried to fight him off, but he was too strong for me. I saw the look in his eyes, and I saw a sadistic look that I had seen before, I just couldn't put my finger on it though. I squirmed in fear of him hurting me. "Get off of me." I whimpered in pure terror. "Not until you calm down." Ryan said. I stopped fighting and I looked at him for a second. I looked at his eyes and I watched as they returned to their natural shade, symbolizing that his state of fury had passed for the moment. We stared deeply into each other's eyes for a minute, I then got lost in his world again, and I pulled him down to me before I kissed him. Ryan began aggressively kissing me back. He began biting my lip and playing with my tongue. Ryan then released me before he pulled off his shirt before he leaned down and kissed me again. He then made his way down my body and continued kissing me. I moaned his name as he did this to me. I wrapped my legs around his body, and he picked me up and laid me on the couch. "Ryan." I moaned. "I'm sorry." He said as he stopped and stared at me for a minute. We spent the next thirty seconds staring into each other's eyes again. "I love you." I whispered after a long time. "I love you too." Ryan whispered after a moment. Then I felt a pang of sadness as I remembered why we had fought in the first place "Do you?" I asked before I got up and headed to the steps. "Can I sleep with you?" Ryan whimpered. I turned to face Ryan. "I don't know. You might not want anyone to see us sleeping together." Ryan looked down, ashamed as I went up the steps and closed the door.