A Healed Heart. (A mans love book 1)

Part 2: As things unfold

"Physical attractions are common, but a real mental

Attraction is rare, if you find one, hold onto it."

-Anonymous

Chapter 4

It had been two months since mom had returned home, therefor allowing me to return home. Ryan seemed really disappointed when I had leave, but he brightened up when I told him he could call me at any time. It had been two weeks since we last spoke, and I hadn't received texts or calls from him at all since then. I was starting to get a little anxious. Why hadn't he talked to me? Did he not like me anymore? I was contemplating this possibility, when my phone rang. I made a desperate grab for it, and nearly jumped for joy when I saw that it was Ryan. "Hey, Ryan." I said. But my happiness melted away when I heard Ryan on the other line. "Anthony, I need your help." What's wrong?" I asked. "I just...I need someone to talk to, to just, hang out with me. I'm so alone and helpless." "Okay, I'll be there, do you need anything while I'm on my way?" "Uh, some soda would do me some good." Ryan said. I smiled, and assured him I would bring him some before saying my goodbyes and hanging up.

***

I stepped off of the bus and walked the 100 feet to where Ryan's home rested, and when I came up to his home, I saw that he was sitting in the porch chair, drinking one of his mother's beers. I walked up to him, my face contorted in shock. Ryan saw me and smiled weakly. "Hey Anthony." He said. I opened my mouth to question him about the alcohol, and then I noticed that he seemed very upset. "What's wrong bae- uh, Ryan? Ryan looked at me confused, and then he said; I'm just, feeling kind of down. My mother decided to tell me how it's my fault Dad is dead." I nodded my head when I understood. I sat down next to him. I held out the bottle of soda. "I got you your soda." I said. "Oh thanks." Ryan said as he popped the cap and tossed the entire bottle back. He burped loudly when he finished and tossed the bottle into the nearby wastebasket. "We looked out for a few minutes in an awkward silence, until Ryan turned to me. 'The sky is beautiful around this time of night. I love to look at the moon and the stars, try to make out the different constellations." I smiled, because I did like to do the same thing occasionally. 'Would you like to join me?" He asked. I nodded my head, and Ryan disappeared in the house. Moments later, he came out with a blanket, and what appeared to be a picnic basket. "What's this?" I asked. "We're going to be out here for a while." Ryan said. I smiled and followed him. A few minutes later, we were sitting on the blanket, eating our dinner. Ryan had brought chicken sandwiches, potato chips, Kool-Aid, and crackers. After we finished eating; we laid our heads back on the blanket and pointed out the constellations. After a while, we stopped talking, and then Ryan turned to me and said; "Anthony?" "Yeah?" I asked. "Do you have anyone special in your life?" "I did." I said sadly. "What happened?" Ryan asked. "He, he died in a car accident two years ago." I said. "So, you're a-a gay?" Ryan asked. I looked at him, surprised that he had asked me that, since he was the one who had almost kissed me last time we were together. "Well, yes." I said. "Is that a problem?" "Well, no." Ryan said. "It's just, I'm not gay. I have a Girlfriend who I'm going to marry soon." I was just kind of surprised. I opened my mouth to remind Ryan that he had come this close to kissing me, but I decided to keep my mouth shut. I could do very little to hide my disappointment though. "Uh, yeah I figured that." I said. Ryan looked at me weirdly, and then turned his attention back to the night sky. I was thinking about why Ryan had asked me about my boyfriend, and it was then that all of the memories I had of Mark came rushing back to me all at once. Ryan must have noticed my sadness, because he touched my arm in a friendly gesture. "Did I say something wrong?" He asked. "No, I just, was remembering my boyfriend." I said, as I felt hot tears begin to well. "It's alright Anthony." He said softly. I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face. Ryan reached up and wiped the tears from my eyes. I didn't stop him, because it felt good to let him touch me and let me know that it was going to be okay. Even when the tears were gone, he continued to rub my cheek. After a while, he let his thumb fall and rub my lips. He gently caressed me for several seconds, and then he held my head and brought it closer to his face. He scooted closer and closer to me on the blanket and I could feel his breath flowing on me again, and I had a flashback of what almost happened last time. Just as I opened my mouth to ask what he was doing, he kissed me. There was a sudden but pleasant surge of energy and power that coursed through me, and I felt a light feeling of peace surround me as he kissed me. "Ryan." I whispered against his lips. Ryan didn't say anything, he just continued to move his lips against mine. We stayed this way for a few seconds, and when we parted, he looked at me with his sea blue eyes. "Why the hell did I just do that?" He asked softly. Before I could respond, he shot up and dashed up the steps to the house, where he slammed the door. I realized then that I was trembling. I decided that maybe I should go. I put my shoes back on and slowly started heading towards the sidewalk to catch the bus, quite confused and disappointed. But then I heard Ryan call out to me. "Don't go." He said softly. I turned to face him. "I don't think I should be here." I said. Ryan came down the steps and put his hands on my chest. Now I was beyond perplexed. Why did he just kiss me, tell me he didn't want to do this, and then come back and start touching me. "I'm sorry, I just, don't want you to think that I'm gay." He said. "You kissed me." I said. Ryan's cheeks turned pink with embarrassment. He then cleared his throat and said; "It was just uh, and impulse. It meant nothing." I felt a pang in my heart when he told me that his kiss had been nothing. "Uh, okay." I said, really unclear about what he was hiding and why. I yawned and decided that I should be heading home. "Why don't you sleep here?" Ryan said. "Uh., I guess." I said. "You'll have to sleep in the guest room again" Ryan said "Why can't I sleep with you?" I asked. Ryan's cheeks turned crimson red with extreme embarrassment. "Um, uh." Was all he could say before I told him that I was joking. "Oh." Ryan said calmly, but I thought that I could see a flicker of disappointment in his eyes. "I'll uh, get you a change of clothes." Ryan said as he led me back inside the house. He brought down a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. "You can change in the..." I didn't let Ryan finish before I stripped to my boxer shorts in front of him. Ryan couldn't take his eyes off of me as I stretched my aching body in front of him. I saw him gently lick his upper lip and gently bite down on his lower lip. I felt myself becoming stiff, and I quickly put on my sweatpants before Ryan saw my erection. "Take a picture, last longer." I commented smugly. Ryan glared at me before turning around on his heels and heading up the steps rather quickly. I smirked as he slammed the door to his room. I yawned and set up the sheets on the couch before I flopped down and drifted off to sleep......

At some point in the middle of thenight, I felt someone tap my chest. My eyes flew open, and I saw Ryan standingabove me. "Ryan, what's wrong?" I asked. "I'm, I'm cold." He said. "Do you needone of my blankets?" I asked. Ryan ignored my question, pushed back theblankets surrounding me, and climbed into the couch next to me. I was totallycaught off guard, and I wondered what to do when he wrapped his arms around mywaist and buried his head in my neck. I felt his body heat entrancing me, and Ifroze. I didn't want him to stop, and I didn't want to do anything that wouldmake him stop. I did smell the faint presence of alcohol, which meant he haddrunk more of the beer, but I didn't know if he was doing this out ofcuriosity, fear, drunkenness, or if there was an actual reason that he came tome. I didn't know, and it scared me to think about it. I hated being in thedark. I felt myself melt into his embrace as I placed my arm on his shoulder inan attempt to keep him from sliding off of the couch. He buried his facefarther in my neck, and I thought I felt him grinding his teeth on me. Mybreath hitched, and I tried my best to keep myself from becoming aroused. I hadno choice but to sit there. If I moved, that would grind myself farther againsthim, and I knew that I would want to do more, and I wasn't sure if I was readyfor that. Eventually, Ryan's steady breathing, body heat and my fatigue led meto eventually close my eyes and fall into a peaceful rest...