Where Have You Been All My Life

20|Feel The Moment

A thousand troubles roamed inside Ishita's heart, prickly and aching. The thought of losing Ruhi, once again was not something she would be able to tolerate. Her craving for Ruhi was something so complicated that even she could not decipher; was it only about Ruhi or does that got something to do with her love for Raman? She could not understand. Both the feelings were entirely different and inexplainable for the depth of love she has for them. She could never choose between one and happy. If there would not be Ruhi, no one can fulfill the void in her life, even Raman's presence would never sooth her.

It was insecurity. She dreaded something. What if Raman leaves her when there would not be any more freshness in their relationship; after all men need kids as per typical norms! That thought haunted her like a moth, eating her up by each passing second. She found out one drastic change in her life; she is the most selfish woman she has discovered, lately.

If she wants Ruhi, the reason is she wanted to get rid of the chaos her womb is enduring from the past years. If she wants Ruhi, the reason is she wanted to make Raman stay close to her as she lost trust in unconditional and selfless love long before. She needed a reason to make him stay with her and she being an infertile woman can never give life to that reason, but fight to get Ruhi. She needed Raman to boast how lucky she is. There she met the Ishita, Ishita Raman Kumar Bhalla who so terribly fell in love with these two lovely people and a life without them seemed sterile.

Splashing some water on her face, she looked at her ruddy eyes and the swollen skin circled around it, those would form a bad dark-circle the next day if she would not be able to have a good sleep. She knows, she is not going to sleep tonight when her existence is under question. Well, here she realized, there is no more Ishita, if Raman and Ruhi would not be beside her!

She silently opened the door, her gaze fixed on the floor while Raman observed her acutely. He did get the vibe that she was crying, from the way she shivered and her lips looked oddly crimson. He could not get a clear view of her eyes that would give away all her emotions in a flash of the moment to his heart. Tonight, she has refrain her eyes from locking with his that made him conclude that this is not going to be easy.

"Hm...I...I'm sleepy, Raman." She lied tugging a strand of hair behind her ear and moved to the bed.

He did not stop her but looked on at her retreating figure. Her shoulders droopy as she pulled out the quilt and buried her in the furry mattress with the sheet covering until her neck. Feeling his eyes gaping at her, she turned her back to him while tears fell down her eyes that she weakly wiped off but those were adamant to be ceaseless. Taking a deep breath, thinking how to handle the situation, he closed the door of the washroom.

After ten minutes of pondering and freshening up, he came out to see Ishita standing in the balcony adjacent to their bedroom. He slowly walked and paused next to her. Her hand holding the railing, gently caressing the faint dewdrops of chilly night and her eyes fixed down at nothingness.

"We were so cold, hai nah Raman?" He heard her starting a natter.

"We were." He stressed the past.

"I never liked you before. I was so scornful when it came to you." She chuckled.

His hand rested above hers making her close her eyes for a moment and those intertwined reassuringly. "I was also harsh towards you...regarding everything but I never intent to hurt you, Ishita. Whatever I did was just to make sure that Ruhi stays with me. You were the one dug the trouble."