SEX YOU two | p.jimin

chapter | 12

| taehyung's point of view

Name?

I'm in the dark place again. They were questioning me. They took everything from me and now they even ask for my name. What good does it do? My name only causes pain. People speak of it as if it's rotten, as if their tongues might burn.

Age?

Youth. I don't remember ever feeling young. I don't remember ever having freedom but I remember my youth slipping between my fingers like water; a fleeting glimpse of the person I should've been.

What does youth really mean?

Dreams? I've buried them along with my sister so she won't feel lonely as she sleep six feet under the ground.

Your parents?

I don't have them. This is what I told the grown ups at school. Their looks and stares when they pass by me was beyond pity. I was always the odd one out.

The ground shook under my feet and the ceiling began to fall on me. I was lying on a hard surface, my back against the cold ground. I remember this place. This is where it all started and ended for me. The familiarity of it all scared me. I turned my head to my right and found my poor sister lying beside me, all cold and hurt. That's when my insides started to tremble.

I crawled to her, suddenly, my back stung from whips and paddled bruises. Her shoulders felt sharp and under her thin shirt were hidden wounds just like the ones I have. I hugged her close but she was already cold. I was too late.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry my sister.." The younger me kept repeating these words. Why did it have to be like this? Why did you do this to us?

Warm tears prodded at my eyes as I repeated these words even when I knew they wouldn't change anything. I ran though the darkness, memories of my past played through like a bad movie on repeat. I feel like I'm dying as I was caged by steel bars, my crimes written on the palms of my hands smeared along with the blood of a murderer.

Punish me.

I want to be forgiven. I want to apologize so this nightmare would end but that person I wronged is not here anymore. I couldn't protect her when she died protecting me. I should live with this because this is who I am. This is my own stigma.

I opened my eyes and woke up in the real world which wasn't much different from my nightmare. The dusk sky was a mixed transition of pink and the sun's burning orange streaks, the air in the room felt dry and cold.

With my trembling hands, I picked up my phone and called the first person to pop up in my mind. My voice raspy and my breath haggard, I spoke over the mouth piece.

"Help me.. Please. Mara."

A second became a minute, a minute turned to an hour, I laid down a pool of blood. I'm not sure if it was my blood or the blood of the man I killed. I could barely make it to the front door, could barely keep myself up as I gripped on the door handle with both hands to keep them from shaking. With enough strength, I opened the door and fell to my knees, in front of her. I began to cry sob when I couldn't get my hands to stop shaking.

"Taehyung! Taehyung, what happened?" Mara knelt beside me, at the doorway of my apartment. She held my shoulders and hugged me. "I came as fast as I could.. What's wrong?"