Always

19

  Beyoncé didn't like Bell peppers. She turned up her nose and looked away from the slice of pizza place in front of her in disgust .  She shook her head firmly and crossed her arms, there was no way in hell anyone was going to get her to eat a pizza covered in those nasty peppers. It wouldn't happen, not in a million years. They looked weird, felt weird and tasked weird. Nope! "I couldn't possibly" She said with her eyes closed tight, Shawn sighed and picked up the pizza holding it to her face, 

"Come on, just try it" He pushed the pizza toward her mouth but she shot her head in the other direction and made a groan, "Come on, Jessica made it for the class. You've got to eat some" She gasped and looked at him with wide eyes, 

"Why are you eating Jessica's  pizza?" She glared at him angrily, how could he possibly want to eat another girls pizza? They were best friends, it wasn't right, it was illegal! "Hmmm?" She moved her head a little and the boy sat opposite her and chuckled, 

"Bumble bee, everyone's eating the pizza. It's good, she's leaving and you guys are never going to see her again so this is a good bye" At his explanation she realised that he wasn't actually in her class so he didn't actually know who Jessica was anyway. So why would he care? How did he even get into her class to get the pizza in the first place? 

"Why are you in my class?" She asked him, 

"I was walking to the toilet and smelled food, they said it was free and I ain't one to turn down free food" She laughed a little bit but stopped when she realised he wasn't joking, "I walked in and asked what was going on and they told me. Why were you sitting at the back alone?" He asked her, 

"I don't have any other friends but you" She smiled at him in all honesty and he nodded, 

"Good, I don't like to share" He began picking all the little bits of pepper off the pizza before he continued, "Of course I'm lovable so you're gonna have to share me, I've got loads of friends. None as good as you though" Shawn was right on that one, at 8 years old he really did have a lot of friends and he really was lovable, he never really stopped being lovable. He was a people person and easy to get alone with, he was honest and funny. He handed her the clear pizza and she slowly took a bite out of it, "How is it?" He asked, 

"I don't like it" She threw it back down on to the paper plate and he sighed, 

"Why now?" He groaned, 

"You didn't cook it" She giggled "I only like your pizza" She emphasised the word 'your' and smiled at him hard before reaching over the table and giving him a kiss on the cheek. That was right too, growing up she would only eat Pizza made by Shawn and none other, then she wasn't really a big fan of Pizza after that. She got it now and then but it never tasted like his so she just didn't like it, she didn't want it. 

  Beyoncé POV

I had the opportunity to give her away, I could have killed her but I didn't. I kept her and since the moment she was born I gave her everything I possibly could and it's like my heart walks around outside my body. What did I sacrifice for my daughter? My body, My home, My Education and My passions. No Social life. I didn't once complain, I didn't even realise I was sacrificing those things because I was so happy, I so happy being away from that house, I was so happy finally being interdependent and I was so happy missing a little bit of school because I didn't want to join a new one, I didn't want to go to school without my best friend. I didn't care, I never really had a social life in the first place but when Nicki kept asking me to go out and meet people with her I always said no.  Now that I think about it I turned down men before they could even talk because I figured they'd run. But I never complained and she has no right to complain because I've given her all I possibly could. I got a job by myself, finished school by myself and I did what I had to do. The clothes she wears, the car we drive, the house we live in was all me and yet that wasn't enough. Why? How could my all not be enough for my own blood, how could she want more? How could she force us into this? I'm angry and I don't know if it's because I've been in a mood since I saw Malik but I'm angry. It's a horrible moment when parents become fearful of their own children but I am fearful of what she is to do next, will she pull than man back into my life? Will she make him hurt me the way my parents did? Mathew, I know you tried your hardest to fix this all but you were far too late and although I don't hate you I'll never  forget my childhood. Tina, You MegaBitch. Malik, you're pure scum. Grace, why must you be so difficult? Holly once told me to treat my parents with love because I will see their value once they're gone, I do not see Mathew's value but Grace sure as hell better see mine. Maybe I was worried I'd loose her to her father, what if he turned out to be okay? He's changed and he can be a good dad? Is that the end of me? The girl I raised, will she go off with the man who donated some sperm?  People say that you shouldn't hold anger inside you, otherwise you become a bitter person so I know it's time for me to let go. It's time for me to say good bye to my father and the anger that comes with him, it's time for me to forgive Tina and let her go, it's time for me to focus on me and my happiness. I need to stop being scared of Grace's next moves because I should be able to stand up for myself no matter what. I need to get over myself. I need to let Holly go... oh gosh I don't want to. But it's coming isn't it? Holly's leaving and she can't leave me like this, I need to do this the right way.