A Narration from the Brain of Jewel Quinn

Chapter 7: The Arrival of Odette Pennel and her Revolting Idea

Chapter 7: The Arrival of Odette Pennel and her Revolting Idea

Dining room, Thursday, June 26, 6 pm

Oh no.

She's here.

Not here, exactly. She's in the city. We're in the same room, as a matter of fact. She's moving into the room beside grandpa. Which was really insensitive of Mrs. Oaks, seeing as she did dump grandpa for a younger man just two years ago.

Now grandpa will have to see her everyday and possibly at night. Its pretty scaring, seeing her first thing in the morning. She wears these lacy lingeries that cover absolutely nothing.

And yes it does show everything.

Even the naughty bits.

To make matters worse, she had tatooed on her eyeliner, her eyebrows and her lips during her midlife crisis. So even if she takes her makeup off, you could still see all the black lines on a wrinkly face.

It's pretty frightening to see an old lady prancing around in lacy underwear with black eyeliner and red lips early in the morning.

No wonder her younger man left her only two months after she abandoned grandpa. He rolled over in bed one morning and had a good look at her face.

The mayor ought to know better than inviting his wife's mother to his house. If anyone can start a Jersey Shore cat fight, it would be Odette Pennel.

Last time I saw her, it was two years ago and she was hosting a celebratory dinner for Ryan's third win in the National Swim meet. For the toast, she had the waiters serve everyone champagne except for this one man. And when Jenny tried to pass him her own glass, because she thought it was a simple mistake on the waiter to skip the man and not an orchastrated plot from Ryan's grandmother to purposely isolate the man, Odette was all-"Jennifer" in a loud tone that startled Jenny so much that she dropped the champagne glass.

It was only later when everybody left that she told me why. It was because the man had been having a relationship with another man.

Seriously! It was the twenty first century. There shouldn't be gender discrimination in America. LGBT! Equal rights and all that.

But when I explained all this to her she just ignored me and poured herself a glass of scotch.

I seriously think she'd have an apopaleptic fit once she goes to anywhere else in America, where not only is it socially acceptable for people to be gay but celebrated. Especially, during the Gay pride parade in New York City.

Her morals are seriously screwed up. I mean how is it okay to leave your husband of sixty years and not okay to be gay? No wonder Ryan is so crazy. Their psychotic tendencies are genetic.

"Jewel?" Ryan's grandmother slapped my arm. "Are you listening to me?"

Did I also mention that she had violent tendencies? It comes out especially around me.

"Yes, maam." I said even though I tuned her out about an hour ago.

"What was I talking about?"

"How I'm the prettiest and smartest girl you've ever met?"

Grandfather choked on a green pea after guffawing loudly.

"I wish you wouldn't lie. It's so unseemly." she said squeezing my arm. "I was saying that I would train you to be the Mission Hill Fair Princess."

"W-what?" Now it was my turn to choke.

A snort came from the other end of the table.

"It would really help Teddy's run for Mayor next year." Mr. Oaks winced at his nickname. "We'd show the town our graciousness in forgiving this trollop and that we can take complications in stride."

Okay. I'm starting to hiccup which I only ever do it when I'm upset. They weren't small lady-like hiccups either. They were big, and made my body spring up and down my seat like a five-foot-seven frog.

"Mother, I don't think this is a good idea." Mrs. Oaks said her face growing pale at the idea.

"Nonsense! It's a brilliant idea. She doesn't even have to win the competition she'll just have to run." Her vice grip tightened even further on my arm.

"Hic."

"It would really help her understand the in and outs of the occassion when she helps with the preparation." the Beast adds from the other end of the table.

"Hic."

"That's it then! She will be coming with me every morning and I will be teaching her the basics of being a Mission Hill fair princess."

"Hic."

"Starting with that disgusting habit."

Okay, that does it!

"Look I don't hic know who you hic people hic are. But hic you can't just hic start calling me hic names like trollop hic and complication and then hic just for-hic-ce me to do hic something I don't hic want to hic do." I said standing up.

"Excuse hic me." I ran up the stairs to the guest bedroom.

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How to cure hiccups:

1. Try to scare yourself.

2. Hold your breath for ten seconds then take a huge gulp of water.

3. Relax and take big calming breaths

4. Cover your right earhole with a finger the hold your head to the side.

5. Drink five glasses of water.

WHY ARE NONE OF THESE WORKING!!!!

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