message // sidemen + minizerk ff

w [8.31]

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• CinnaVik: hi it's vik.

• JJ: Are you okay bby?

• CinnaVik: he's dying.

• JJ: I know.

• CinnaVik: but you don't.

• JJ: Oh, but I do, sweet one.

• CinnaVik: I'm sorry.

• JJ: Please don't be

• CinnaVik: okay.

• JJ: I love you.

• CinnaVik: I know.

• JJ: He loves you.

• CinnaVik: for how long though.

• JJ: I don't know, Vik, I'm sorry.

• CinnaVik: ok
• CinnaVik: I get it
• CinnaVik: I get everything and I don't get it
• CinnaVik: It's actually stupid and ridiculous and I just want to be happy and be in love and giddy and excited and I just want all these thinGS AND I CANT FUCKING HAVE THEM

• JJ: Vik please please please please calm down I understand you're in pain.

• CinnaVik: I know I know and I'm not even using correct punctuation and I have uppercase letters like who even am I anymore. I'm not happy and cute and small anymore I'm broken down and recyclable.

• JJ: What do you mean recyclable?....

• CinnaVik: I'm tired JJ. I'm sad. I'm upset and I need things that Harry just can't give me anymore.
• CinnaVik: I've had sex.

• JJ: Ok, but so have I. We all have.

• CinnaVik: I know. But I'm talking twenty guys.

• JJ: WHAT THE FUCK VIK. YOU CAN'T BETRAY HARRY LIKE THAT.

• CinnaVik: Actually I think I lost count at eighteen, so maybe more than that
• CinnaVik: I'm not betraying him. The other day he told me I needed to move on. That I couldn't hang onto him forever. And after a few days I realized he's right. And just lately I guess the sad shit caught up to me and I have sad sex now. But every time a guy puts his nasty hands on me or moans into my hair I can't help but think of Harry and his cute face and his pretty blue eyes and him just in general just all I want is him and he's dying and I can't have him anymore and I

• JJ: Vik...

• CinnaVik: yeah?

• JJ: I'm sorry.

• CinnaVik: it's not your fault okay. I ranted my rant and I'm done. it was pointless and unneeded but someone had to know.

• JJ: Does Harry know about any of this?

• CinnaVik: kind of. but I'm too worried about his two months and a half of life left to let him know I fuck random guys at bars just to buy me sandwiches and a drink.

• JJ: Two months
• JJ: Oh my god you're kidding
• JJ: Two months???!?
• JJ: This is fake
• JJ: I'm dreaming
• JJ: This is all an illusion, a rouse, a joke
• JJ: This is just a dream, I'll wake up any moment.
• JJ: None of this is real
• JJ: Come on, Jide wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up

• CinnaVik: I thought I was dreaming too.
• CinnaVik: guess we both need to wake up

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[ okay okay sorry it's short and ugly

sorry for being absent.

okay okay here's an explanation:

I did a little thing and I've been obsessing over it for weeks and I'm now wanting to write again I'm sorry for the wait.

plus I am v busy bc football season kicked in and I'm like ahhhsjhsjns with band and school so ye

also the thing I did made me v upset and stuff but haha I am ok.

but thanks for being cool and cute and I love you. ]