Monster

Kiss and Yell

~~~ Jaira~~~ 

Well, it's been a long week of annoying homework and miscommunication with teachers, all the while still trying to figure out what the hell Jason, really wants from me. He ignores me for weeks and then thinks he can stroll over to me and touch me and make me feel things and then ask me on a date? Hell no, that's why I plan on talking to him tonight, which is both extremely scary and necessary all at the same time. 

I haven't told Renee, she'd probably look at me like I was crazy. Considering how much I've gone back and forth about this, thinking about the worst outcomes and the best, if there are any, I still can't shake the feeling that maybe there's a deeper motive behind it all. What if Jason just wants to use me? What if he treats me like my ex did?....No, no one can treat me like my ex did, what he did was the lowest of low and I have the scar to prove it.

As I sit here at lunch with Ed and Renee, thinking about this, I can't help to envy their relationship sometimes. Like seriously, who falls in love with their childhood best friend? So fucking cliche.... stupid fairy tales. Anyway, I would love a relationship like theirs. Ed guards Rae with his life, their never apart besides school and work, but even then, that's only a few hours in the day. I'd kill to have a guy like Ed, someone who could save me from myself, someone who could take away the last bit of pain I still have from before, with hurting me anymore. Why are those types of guys hard to find? I swear, they are all gone... I don't get it

I sigh and lay my head on the lunch table and try to collect my thoughts, when there's a tap on my shoulder, "Hmm?" 

"Are you ok sweetie?" i hear Rae's sweet voice, i only nod and sit up "I think i'm gonna go for a walk on the grounds, I'll see you guys later" As I get up, I feel eyes on me, as i move throughout the busy afternoon rush of hungry high school kids, it's absolutely crazy to me that so many people complain about the lunch, when they clearly know we have the right to go off school grounds and go get something to eat, I guess we really are that lazy

Getting outside, I quickly find a path I want to take, walking my way around the school. I put my headphones in and start walking, taking in the scenery, noticing how they have redone to garden in the back of the school. It was always nice back here, they just decided to spruce it up, i guess. Turning the corner, I see something that makes my cringe, and for some odd reason, it hurts my heart a little.

In front of me, I see Jason, making out with some girl. Why?! I scream internally, wanting to go over there and slap them both, but it's none of my business. As I start to leave, my eyes connect with Jason's, I can't tell the emotion behind his eyes, but I know, that I don't care anymore. What do I mean anymore? I never did care! 

I guess it's true, all the good guys are taken after all 

~~~ 

I went through the rest of the day without seeing Jason again, thankfully. There was no way in hell I was going on a "date" with him after what I saw earlier this afternoon. On the way to my house, I stayed silent, only getting looks of sadness from Renee and Ed. I know they wanted me to talk about what was bugging me, but to tell you the truth, I'm not even sure I know what I'm actually upset with. I'm not attached to Jason, and I'm happy about that, but then again, he asked me out on a, so called date, and then the day he wants an answer, he makes out with some girl behind the school? What the hell kind of crap is that?

As I sink into my bed, looking up at my ceiling, thinking about nothing in particular, as I hear my mom call me downstairs. So, doing as told, I go downstairs and look at my mom, "Yes?" I ask her, "You have a guest, in the living room" i nod and head there, my jaw dropping as i see Jason with his head in his hands, tapping his foot on the floor. I don't say anything, looking at his outfit, he's sitting, but I can clearly see he has on a grey button up, with a white t-shirt, and the sleeves pushed up, so I can see his tattoos, his tight black skinny jeans, and black sneakers, i admire him a little more before I clear my throat, making him look up at me, "What do you want?" 

He gets up and just a few strides, he's in front of me, "What do you want Jason?" I take a step back and fold my arms over my chest. He looks around, taking his bottom lip in between his teeth as he thinks, "So, yes or no?" he stares at me 

"Yes or no to what?" I know he's not talking about this damn "date" thing 

"Our date tomorrow, I need to know so I can make sure everything is good" he speaks as if I didn't see him today sucking face with some girl 

"You've got to be kidding me, right? You're joking. I saw you! I know you know that I saw you, you looked at me" I say getting more frustrated. I could tell that he was having an internal battle with himself, his face softened as he looked at me, but within a few seconds he was in my face, glaring at me 

"Whatever. I was trying to be nice to you because I see how pathetic you are, sitting with your ignorant friends wishing you had someone there for you. I was trying to fucking help you!" he shouts in my face, making me coward back "fuck you, and don't talk to me" he bumps into my shoulder as he leaves, slamming the front door. 

His words hit me like a ton of brick, I run upstairs breaking down as I lock myself in my room and call Renee, thankfully she answers on the first ring, but before she can say anything, I speak, sobbing 

"R....rae..."   

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Holy shit! a lot of details and emotions....here we go! 

Love Mads <3