Hey my name is Daniel and this is just my diary. You can Read it if you want. But honestly it's just for me. Welcome to my hard life as a closeted transgender 13 year old! Woohoo!!! *claps slowly* Just saying I'm very awkward...
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So I don't ever eat in the morning... I know why and it makes me sad. I just wish I looked like other boys... Muscles and skinny.... But I'm not I'm chubby, no muscle and I have to wear girly clothes... I had pictures so I wore a flannel because like that is the closest I can get... I wish I could just scream "I'm transgender and I don't care what you think!!" But first of all I'm too shy, second of all I do care much more than I should about how people care about me and third of all I know I would be bullied into telling my parents... Telling my parents scares me. Anxiety makes me think of everything that could happen... THOUGHTS: 1. They will think I'm looking for attention. 2. They will ask tons of questions that I will be to shy to talk. 3. Won't support me. When I came out when I thought I was bisexual my mom said I was too young to know and asked why I thought that and I was too scared to answer 4. Won't understand why I just figured this out and didn't show any signs as a kid. 5. Will be ashamed. 6. *rolls eyes* why do you think that? 7. 5% chance no questions will be asked and just a nice little hug and tears. 8. Too scared to even say it. 9. (if I leave letter when she is home and I go to school) I won't be able to walk in the door because I'm so scared of the reaction. 10. Etc.
⚠️⚠️depressing thoughts warning⚠️⚠️
I keep thinking that the girls wont accept me and will talk about me behind my back even more... Boys won't be my friend because I am not a "real boy". Also the boys have requirements to be there friends which I of course don't fit... I scratch myself on purpose and apparently it is self harm... It does leave marks I can see them like under my skin... Swimming in a full piece swim suit doesn't feel right... But I don't know what else i could wear.... Every night I lay in bed at like 11:30-12:00 singing My Chemical Romance while balling my eyes out curled up in a ball of tears. I think about the depressing future and I become scared and text my internet friend but they just don't understand like most people. I then fall asleep after wetting my bed with tears.
* that's enough for tonight I guess I'll write more tomorrow. Night *
* ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️TRUE ⬇⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️ *
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