Letting Go

Chapter Seven

I was worried, in fact, we were all worried about Hakyeon. I knew about his problem but I didn’t do anything to help him since I was under management of the company and someone was always looking. If he wasn’t looking at us all the time, I could have helped him sooner.

           “Hyung, it’s too hard.”

The first word that he had said to me when he first broke down. It was heart-breaking to see him that way but all I could do was give him comfort when he needed it. Behind the company walls is nothing but corruption and injustice towards their workers and especially idols. I have more of a freedom since I’m always behind the scene as their manager but the 6 are always being watched 24/7. All of us believed that this company was different than the others but we were wrong; there’s no difference. I was there when the head talked to him, I was there when he was punished, I was there when he was criticized, and I was there when he broke down so many times.

    “Should I just do it, hyung?”

It wasn’t a first that he had asked me that question. His swollen eyes, his trembling body, but most of all his broken heart pierced through me. He was begging. He was begging me to let him go but I knew I couldn’t. I needed him to be strong but most importantly he had to stay strong for the others. He meant the world to the other five even if they don’t speak it in words but the actions speaks enough, only if Hakyeon could see what I’d see.

               “I’m sorry hyung.”

Why do you say “sorry” so much Hakyeon? All the things that they’d done to me is for your good. I’m always standing up for you no matter what. I couldn’t let you take all the blame knowing you will once again go under. I can’t stand seeing you limping and lying to your members of what had happened behind the door of that devil. I too wish that very devil will rot of where he truly belongs.

       “It’s okay hyung. Nothing to worry about.”

Okay? You're not okay Hakyeon-ah. The smile that you showed me is nothing but a mask to hide your pain from me and especially to your members. Why are you being so hard on yourself? I know you're trying to stay strong for them but one day you have to tell them the truth. You have to tell them one day Hakyeon-ah.

          “Was it okay, hyung?”

You’re always worried about your performance but not about your health. The members are worried about you Hakyeon-ah. The doctor had told you to be very careful of your back but of course you never listen since you’re very stubborn to begin with.

        “Why are they always like this, hyung?”

I don’t know Hakyeon. I really don’t know. Only if I knew, I could have prevented all this from happening. Only if I could have kept that big devil’s mouth from talking, you wouldn’t be like this.

          “You know hyung, the character is almost like me.”

No. The character isn’t like you Hakyeon-ah. You shouldn’t think that way. I know it’s hard but you have to be strong.

                 “Thanks, hyung.”

Why are you thanking me, you idiot? I didn’t do anything to help you. You slowly disappeared even though you were still in front of me. I’m sorry Hakyeon-ah. I’m really sorry.

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This chapter is just a little bit of manager's perspective of Hakyeon’s situation.