Letting Go

Chapter Nine

        The Beginning of Everything


  [+] Wait? Who is he again?
         Isn't he the leader?
  [+] Why is he so dark? Is his skin
         usually like that?
  [+] Why is he always in the front?
         Let Leo be in the spotlight for
         once!
  [+] Even his members agree that
        his skin is too dark ㅋㅋㅋ
  [+] Hakyeon should just disappear.
        He's taking too much of the
        spotlight just because he's the
        leader
  [+] He's skinny as hell, might as
        well die right now
             

And so much more comments were said throughout the years of his career. He tried to ignore them every time but he always takes them to consideration making the excuse that it was also their Starlight who had commented and wanted him to be better...and so he did.

He tried to make his skin lighter.
He made Leo be in the spotlight.
Instead of being skinny, he had put on a little weight but not too much where fans would notice.
He disappeared for awhile...instead of being infront of the camera, he had become the one who was behind the camera, filming his members.
He made Hyuk and Hongbin have more parts into their songs even though it was his originially.
He made his schedule to be impossible where he couldn't meet his members for days or even for weeks, to give them space just like they wanted; to be away from his nagging and annoying self.

His company? They couldn't really do much but put more schedules into his already busy life. He and the manager had tried talking to the person in charge, the vice-president, to let Hakyeon have a week's worth of vacation but he had denied the proposition. What was worse was that Hakyeon had overheard a conversation that he wished he never overheard. A conversation on how he was of a disappointment in the company all due to the reasons of how he is leading the group. A conversation on how Wonshik or Taekwoon might have been the better choice to become the leader. A conversation on how they shouldn't have picked Hakyeon in the very end but instead of another.

Hakyeon hadn't really noticed the slow changed that is occuring to him. How he had slowly changed from the cheerful ever nagging leader to the now ever silent leader. He didn't noticed how once the camera is on him, he would immediately go to the leader everyone knew but once it is off, he isolate himself from the rest and stay silent unless spoken to. The members didn't really took notice as they thought that the change was due to his busy schedules, so they had dismissed it as that.

With all the changes and added schedules, he became restless. Thoughts filled his mind of depression and anguish. Thoughts that weren't supposed to be there in the very beginning. Thoughts that had told him that he was of no use to the others. Thoughts that he should just disappear altogther.



    "Yeon-ah, don't let them get to you."

One of Hakyeon's close hyung had tried talking to him, but it seemed like it didn't work.

    "I know I shouldn't hyung, but it's impossible."

Hakyeon had given up before even trying.

    "It is possible. Listen to me Hakyeon, if you let those words and thoughts get to you, then it's over. Your career that you wanted will disappear. Your dream to be on stage is meaningless if you let it take over."

    "I know, but I just can't!"

    "I've been in your place before. I felt like I was also useless especially when my members started disappearing one by one. I was wondering what I had done wrong. I too wanted to end things but I didn't. I knew I had members to take care of. I had dreams that I wanted to fulfil, so I stayed."

    "I-I wish I'm just like you hyung. Strong enough to get through all of these. But with the things going the way it is, I feel like just giving up."

    "How long have you missed taking those pills?"

    "3 weeks."

    "You know you need to take those for your body to rest Hakyeon. With the way your health is, you need it."

    "It's not working hyung. I am more restless than usual. I can't sleep even when I take it. When I do sleep, I wake up with nightmares. Nightmares that has been haunting me for years."
  
    "Look, I have to go record, but when I call you, answer it. I have something that may help you but it is your decision to make."

    "I'll answer your call, you know that hyung."

    "Good. Take care Yeon-ah, and please don't do anything stupid."

    "Don't worry hyung. Oh, seems like they're calling you."

    "Remember what I said."

    "I will hyung. You worry too much."

    "I worry because I care."

    "I know hyung, I know."

Hakyeon smiled as he saw his hyung run towards the recording studio smiling and waving at him.



         "Thank you so much....Leeteuk hyung."

_______________________________________
Author's Notes
You guys finally know who is helping Hakyeon from the last chapter. Yes, it is none other than Super Junior leader, Leeteuk! Yes, I know, Hakyeon is much more closer towards Ryeowook but I needed a leader that has went through so much to somehow relate to Hakyeon's situation.

So, this is my final update before going on a little hiatus due to the fact that my body has gotten weaker for the past few weeks and needed rests & also my depression is slowly coming back....so I need a few weeks or so before truly coming back to update. I sincerely apologize but I am so happy you guys are enjoying this story.

I will be back, I promise. I hate to leave my readers without completing a story...so I will be back.