Life Goes On (Sequel to "I'm Not Who You Think.") **ON HOLD/EXTREME REVISION**

chapter 10: One step further.

Lacey seemed to know me inside out.

And honestly, that thought scared me.

Because after Stevie, 

I never thought I'd be able to open up to anyone.

Perhaps I'm afraid of commitment,

Or maybe I'm afraid of death.

Even though it is inevitable. 

Everyday, she was around.

And it never seemed to get old.

Some days we would sit for hours in a comfortable silence.

Other days were full of conversation.

There was something about her, I thought I'd never see in anyone.

Beauty.

Hope.

Inspiration.

Every time I was around her,

I felt like I could do anything.

I felt like I could get over my disorders.

And that everything would be okay.

But every time I felt that way,

I also felt guilty.

Is Stevie somewhere up there,

Angry at me for even thinking about moving on?

Did she mean it when she told me it was okay?

Or is that her way of trying to make me forget her?

***

"Hey Mom," I said,

As I took a seat next to my step-mom,

Stevie's biological mother.

"Do you think she's mad at me?"

She cocked her head, giving me the same confused look

Stevie used to give.

"Why would she be mad at you?"

"I feel guilty, y'know?

I mean I look at Lacey, the same way I used to look at her.

I promised her I never would have eyes for anyone else.

At the time, I thought I meant it. I didn't think it would be possible.

For the longest time, it wasn't possible.

I didn't allow myself to feel anything.

I was numb.

But now I can't help it.

And there's something there, that takes more effort to deny,

than to confront.  I just--"

"You never thought she would kill herself,"

She said blankly.  

I nodded, feeling as if I didn't have anything to say.

"But she did,"

I added.

"So then she broke a promise to you, right?

The promise where she said she would always be there for you.

I will always be her mother,

but she doesn't need taken care of anymore.  She can do that herself.