Nosy Little Fucker Aren't You

THE REAL QUESTIONS

I have decided to list all of, or at least some of, the questions that I fucking need answers to.

1. Does, Not + Ever = Never?

2. Have I ever had the same dollar twice?

3. Have I ever had a dollar that was in between a stripper's ass cheeks?

4. What will happen to all of those snazzily dressed skeletons that are buried underneath us?

5. Are aliens real?

6. Why the fuck have I not been to a Troye Sivan concert?

7. Am I going to be able to wait for the next #SINday?

8. Did you noticed that I numbered these shits this time?

9. How is Zendaya so fucking pretty?

10. Will I be prepared for the zombie apocalypse?

11. Will I ever commit to one story idea?

12. Am I the only one that reads BxB books and secretly wish that they were a gay male?

13. Why the hell am I so weird?

14. How old are you?

15. What's your favorite color?

16. Are ghosts real?

17. When I yawn, does a ghost choke me with its dick?

18. Why the fuck did I ask that?

19. Why am I so screwed up in the head?

20. Will any of these questions be answered?

21. How many milliseconds do I have before I die?

22. Will I die a virgin?

23. Am I secretly rich?

24. How did I even discover Wattpad?

25. How did any of you (readers) find this book?

26. Are these questions giving you anxiety, too?

27. Will Ferro ever not be named Linguine?

29. Did you noticed I skipped 28?

30. Did this rant go to complete, and utter, shit? (Yes.)

31. At what number did the questions go from serious to complete nonsense?

32. Do you believe in magic?

33. Are werewolves real? (Wattpad has me convinced.)

34. Do I have a secret superpower that I have to unlock at age 30?

35. Will I be famous?

36. How old do you think I am?

37. Why don't I have a gay best friend?

38. If I punch myself in the arm, and it hurts, am I weak or strong?

39. What's your favorite WP book?

40. Why am I continuing this, when clearly I don't have any serious questions left?

Well... That was interesting...

This rant was a waste of both of our time. You don't have to read beyond this point.

41. Did you read beyond that point?

42. Should I end this book?

THESE ARE THE REAL QUESTIONS, PEOPLE!

I'll be leaving now...