1.1.2002
After watching "Sprited Away" and "Harry Potter", almost gives me hope of having a baby. Maybe they are not as monstrous, maybe they are really our hope & our strength. They are the future. Are these the extra burdens that parents put onto their youngsters?! (sighs) Isn't this the reason why kids go mental?! The unfulfilling hope that has put onto their shoulders from parents like me (sighs). Just that "Spirited Away" talks about the weak & lust of adults, children are the strength & light if they find the right environment. Deprived may not be a curse but a blessing. Simplicity is where people draws their strength. Simple | routine | rituals ... This is where children supposed to be brought up. Like Harry, staying with his maggot uncle | aunt may not be a bad thing. It brings out the purity of a child. I love those two films. I feel like I believe in the goodness in life again.
16.1.2002 (Almost midnight)
Oh, by Feb 10, we are house owner again. We bought the house in Happy Valley. I like the house, but it also means responsibility. Do I stay on this job? Or should I continue with what I've always mentioned, quit the job and turn free lance. Please let me find a balance point. Like Anita said, "I now have to compete with time." I have no concern, no financial burden (except now we have a new home). I should just try to do whatever I want. Before time takes its toll on me. I think it has already begun... focus, focus...
19.Janvier.2002
Things are going quite well. Orion talked to HR about the no pay leave & apparently they are okay with it. So, I don't necessarily need to quit for NYU course & hopefully that may ease our financial demand at the moment. I feel like I'm seeing some light this year.
26.Janvier.2002
Solitude. I feel like I'm starting to enjoy solitude more than before. Sometimes I just can't stand people being next to me. Though saying that, I still miss the courage of travelling alone. Though I maybe doing it this year. You never know. Is this something to do with age, is this the reason why people say they can't live with any person, usually for people who hits 30's. Are we all so selfish as in not sparing energy to please or take care of people next to us?! Although I sometimes think it is all but illusion. Steven has taken care of me so well that I thought I can do without him... how naive. Howver I do feel I need more time by myself to do what I want... like study French, write the journal, read a book, reflects on what happened... But on the other hand, I still need outlet, don't I? To listen to other people, to get another point of view... to be stimulated, inspired... I try not to please people for approval... but the vanity in me, I blame the fact I'm an Aries, still wishes people to like me... Life is full of contradiction I know... This life, I just to expand my potential as mush as I can...
I.Feb - 12.Feb 2002 (Vancouver)
Still I can't see myself living in Vancouver. It's a place with quality living. Food and produce are cheap, great outdoor, affordable prices. I really don't know what's missing. Maybe I feel the lack of motivation. You can just stay there for a long time & feel like you're on an endless vacation. It doesn't feel like people are euthausiatic about work... (probably due to the people I've encountered ...) It feels like a vacuum in time and space; almost like the Groundhog days.
May 9, 2002 (Thu) flight to Vancouver
It has only been 3 months but it felt much longer than that. I have been moaning that I haven't had a break but it has only been 3 months. How spoiled. Things have been happening very fast. We bought a house, doing renovation, done a project - actually more than one, worked with Menfond. Mark had disappeared than resigned... the promotion & now the course in NYU. Boy... it is really not that big a deal but it is still quite a ride on my part. In a way I'm overwhelmed. But on the other, I'm trying to take it as it comes.
I know I'm a very contradictary person. One hand I like being challenged... the other, I hate responsibility & being the authority... What am I trying to say? I have no idea...
5.20.2002 Start Day of my film course
