Misconceptions

i guess we weren't inextricable

Inextricable: impossible to disentangle or separate.

***

To him.

And I always had the idea that one day you would come back, give me a confession from the heart, and everything would go back to how it was, just like it usually went.

You did. You came back, and did exactly what I had always hoped for.

"I know I left, but I was in a bad place. And now I'm better, and I'm sorry I ever made you think I didn't care. I'll always care for you."

"Why did you decide to come back?"

"I missed my best friend."

At first, I was happy. Our bond seemed to be just like it was back then, but as a couple of days went by, and we talked more, something in me felt awfully strange.

In my mind, it was what I had wanted. But something had changed. It was such an indescribable feeling; it was like I was talking to a different version of you.

And I guess I was. You had changed. But then again, so had I.

Maybe that's where the puzzle didn't quite fit anymore. Maybe I really was over it, and I had just fooled myself into thinking I could never let go of you, when in reality, all I needed was some closure and reassurance that we were not enemies, and you had not forgotten about us.

Now, although it may not feel like it to you, something in our conversations seemed forced. I didn't feel that excitement when seeing your name pop up on my screen. It didn't feel natural talking to you anymore. It broke my heart, mostly because it didn't break my heart not having that bond with you anymore.

It hurt knowing it didn't affect me anymore, because even if I wanted to move on, I also loved the beautiful flowers we'd grown together. And now, I had finally walked away from them without, for the first time, not feeling any pain.

We are not the same people we used to know. My heart's gotten colder, and I, quite frankly, do not want us to keep wasting time on something that can never happen.

You tell me about how you found a new girl, and maybe that's also why our bond isn't there anymore. Because I'm no longer the only one you truly loved. Because maybe I'm scared you've found someone who's taken my place as the girl who unraveled you, and I'll no longer be the only one who got to see the colors under the cloudy façade you always put on. Because if I'm not the only one who knows you like that, then our bond isn't unique anymore, and then I'd just turn into another girl you used to talk to.

And even if she isn't the one, I think we both know this just isn't right for us anymore. Even if we care for each other, maybe caring is also letting this go.

So I'm saying goodbye to our beautiful friendship, and the first one that made me know what true love felt like, because in reality, it's already gone, as both of our old selves have evolved into the people we are today.

Thank you for being such a great company on late night drives, for the endless teasing and stupid jokes, for walking miles just to grab something to eat with me, for the late night phone calls and good morning texts, for the songs you'd write to and with me, for the times you made me smile and laugh 'till we cried, for the imaginary scenarios we'd make up, for the times you made me feel beautiful, for opening up to me when you trusted nobody else, for showing me there can be love without lust, and most importantly, for loving me for my soul, and not the physical affection you received from all the other hers.

I'm sorry I'm saying goodbye,
But I promise you that
Our memories living inside me
Will never die

A part of me will always
Have you in my heart
But it's inevitable
If some things simply fade away
Or simply fall apart.

-Just know I'll always love you somewhere deep inside.