Fade Into You (Holtzbert)

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A/N: If you listen to the song I linked with this while reading, it will make it 1000% better. You might cry, but when it comes to Holtzbert don't we all cry anyway?

Erin's bottom lip trembled, her eyes watered, her body shook, and she dropped her phone onto the floor. The room appeared to be spinning and she couldn't hold it in any longer.

Big, violent sobs escaped her and she pulled at her hair in a mixture of sadness and anger.

He died, Erin.

She sobbed and sobbed until she felt like she couldn't anymore. Her throat was dry, her head was pounding, and she felt sick to her stomach.

She walked up the stairs and onto the roof of the firehouse. It was her sanctuary when she was upset or if she needed time to think.

Erin stared out onto the view of the city in the thick five am smog. She had stayed late and pulled an all nighter to work on a particularly difficult equation. She hadn't finished, as the phone call interrupted her work, though it didn't matter now. She would never be able to focus on it if she tried. All she could think about were her Aunt Maura's words.

He died, Erin.

Erin hadn't talked to her Aunt in 20 years since a family reunion she'd attended when she was in college. She hated her. She was mean, she was manipulative, she was a criminal, and most importantly, she had abandoned her entire family for drugs and stole money from Erin's parents for drugs once she got out of jail. Erin promised herself she would never associate her kids with her. She was dead to her as far as Erin was concerned. She wanted Erin to help her plan the funeral, but Erin was going to do that by herself. Her Aunt Maura didn't deserve to plan his funeral. She deserved to rot in the ground instead.

Another wave of sobs rolled through her body as she kept replaying the words over and over in her head.

"Erin? I have your coffee!" she heard her girlfriend's voice call from inside the firehouse.

She didn't have the energy in her to get up off of the ground of the roof she'd been sitting on for a good three hours now. She heard her girlfriend bound up the stairs, as energetic as ever.

"Erin, what are you doing up here at eight am? How come you didn't come home last night?"

Erin didn't say anything or even turn her head. She just continued to sit and stare at the city, silent tears streaming down her cheeks. She heard her girlfriend's boots clunking against the concrete, getting closer and closer. When Erin looked up, she was met with the face of a very confused Holtzmann.

"Erin, baby, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Holtzmann asked in a panic, a look of pure concern and worry on her face.

Erin didn't say anything. She just leaned forward and allowed herself to collapse into Holtzmann's arms. Holtzmann held her, Erin's body shaking her's with each sob. She soothingly ran her fingers through Erin's hair and kissed every visible part of her face and head.

Erin clung onto Holtzmann, her fingers digging into the leather of her jacket. Holtzmann tightened her grip on Erin and held her close.

"He's gone." Erin whimpered.

"Who's gone?" Holtzmann asked, still holding Erin close to her.

"My Dad." Erin sobbed.

Holtzmann's stomach turned and she swore she could feel her heart break. Holtzmann adored Erin's Dad, and she knew how much Erin loved him too.

Erin's mother passed away when Erin was just 5 years old. Her Dad was all she had.

---

Later that night, once Erin and Holtzmann had gotten home from work, (Abby insisted Erin take time off but Erin, as stubborn as ever, refused.) Erin changed into bleach stained sweatpants and a faded t-shirt that had a few holes in it. She crawled into bed and turned on her side, staring out of the window of the bedroom she and Holtzmann shared.

She felt hot, salty tears run down her face and into her mouth. Another round of sobs began and she let them out. She sobbed, she screamed, she hyperventilated, she coughed, she just let it go.

Once Holtzmann had come to bed, (she insisted on staying by Erin's side all day but Erin wanted her space, which Holtzmann respected) she saw Erin crying again. She didn't say anything as she slid into bed, Erin turning to face her as she felt frail arms wrap around her middle. She slid an arm underneath Erin's head and wrapped an arm securely around her waist, holding the love of her life close to her.

"I have no one left, Holtz." Erin whispered.

"You have me, baby." Holtzmann whispered back, pressing a kiss to her temple.

"Please don't leave me."

"I'll never leave you, Dr. Erin Gilbert."

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