Glory Days (5 Seconds of Summer)

Chatper 7

The mystery that is Ashton Irwin kept my mind occupied for the day that I was off school. I knew how to handle jerks, but Ashton was proving to be more than he lets on. I woke up to a good morning text from him and another one asking how I was yesterday. The texts carried on all day, I'm guessing he sent them in his breaks and sneakily under the table. Multiple times though, our conversation will be going well and then BAM; blunt, moody text which killed the conversation. These messages usually made me look at my phone in disbelief and throw it to the end of my bed. A few minutes later the Iphone text notification would interrupt my thoughts and everything would be back to normal again.

Today I'm going back into school though, mom wasn't too happy about it but I had made a deal with her that if I stayed in bed yesterday then I could go back in today. Honestly I was feeling so much better, the only thing is my conscious was weighing me down. I felt awful about not being able to go into school yesterday; I probably have the best attendance rate in the school because I always go in for Blair. 

"Are you sure you are well enough to come in today?" Evan asked me as I got in the car. 

"Yes." I answered bluntly. I'm tired of arguing over something as stupid as going to school. 

"Okay..." Evan pulled out of our driveway and drove to school.

When we got to the school I pulled the hood of my hoodie over my head and jumped into the nearest crowd I could find. I just wanted to blend in today and I don't need another scene in the hallway with Evan and Michael. For that reason I skipped going to my locker and headed straight for first lesson.

I was the first one to class, shortly followed by Blair. 

"Better?" He asked as he pulled out his chair next to mine.

"Much. I'm so sorry Blair, how was yesterday?" Even though I had made Evan promise to keep an eye on him, I knew that Blair wouldn't ever let on to anybody if anything actually did happen. 

"Fine." He replied. As the classroom started to fill the conversation broke off. I started doodling in the corner of my science book waiting for the teacher to arrive when my phone vibrated in the pocket of my jeans. I slid it out under the desk to find a text from Ashton. 

'Hey, are you in school today?x' 

'Yes. I'm in class already.'

I slid my phone back into my pocket just as the teacher walked in and began her class on covalent bonding. 

I did everything that I was meant to in class. I'm one of those people who will never put their hand up but if I'm called on I will have an answer ready. This lead to me be on the good side of most of the teachers and for them to leave me alone during most lessons.

At break Blair and I went to my locker so I could sort out my things, on the way we passed Calum who was walking on his own. He smiled brightly at us and started to make his way over. I smiled slightly then grabbed Blair’s arm and sped of towards my locker, dragging him behind me.

                                                                                        ***

I had successfully managed to avoid everyone all day. I was watching the second hand tick on the clock at the front of the class room as I counted down the seconds until I would be out of school for a couple of hours. When the bell rang I sent a quick message to Evan.

Don’t wait for me. I’m going to Blair’s house, I will walk home later.

I only had to wait a few minutes before i got a reply back from him saying:

Okay but if you need a lift later text me.

I hung around my locker for a while as the students filtered out of the building. When nearly everyone had left I made my way out of the doors of hell and into the parking lot. Neither Evan’s car nor Michaels was there; I walked out of the school gates and started walking towards the local park. I had lied to my brother, I’m not with Blair. I felt terribly guilty for lying but today I just had to. I’m not coping well, and add that to not feeling well makes me a pretty unbareable person to be around today. These are the times when I need some space to sort my head out; however neither my brother nor his friends understand that really because they cope by sharing.

For them a problem shared is a problem halved.

For me a problem shared is a problem doubled.

It was windy today, making it slightly cold. The effects of autumn invading summer had everyone running home and diving under their blankets in a desperate attempt to get warm. I would be joining them too if I hadn’t had put on a hoody this morning. I made my way over to the solitary swings that were swaying gently in the breeze. I dropped my bag to the floor and started pushing myself gently. I was never a child who liked to run around to be honest, i’d have much rather done a jigsaw or read a books whenever my parents would bring Evan and I to the park he would be the one who ran off to the slide and climbing frame whilst I just sat on the swing contently. Dad would always ask me if i wanted to go and play with Evan but I would decline every time. My parents didn’t pester me but I knew they worried if I should be doing more things like Evan.

When I started having my panic attacks was when I also gained insomnia.

Hey what is one without the other right?

One night I was tossing and turning for hours before I finally decided to get up and get myself a glass of water from the bathroom. It was around midnight so I knew I would have to be quiet. I eased the door open (this was the past time when my door didn’t creak) and tiptoed out onto the landing. To my surprise there was light coming from downstairs. I crept closer to the stairs and I could hear my parents talking.

“What can we do?” My father asked, his voiced filled with worry.

“The doctor said there is nothing we can do really but be there for her and try to help her get through them.” My mother answered. She had always been the level-headed one who kept her calm and was the voice of reason. I knew they were talking about me. Before then they had rarely spoke about my ‘problem’. Now they seemed a little less reserved, I guess that is because they didn’t think anyone could hear them, much less me.

“What went wrong?” I felt my heart pang with those words, my eyes brimming with tears. My father thought there was something wrong with me. As an 11 year old I adored my dad and he was never wrong in my mind.

“Nothing is wrong with her, she is still our perfect little girl!” Mom hissed at him.

“What did we do? Should we have pushed her more to be like Evan?”

“No hunny, they are two completely different children and that isn’t a bad thing.” That was the last thing I heard that night before the tears finally unleashed and I had to swallow back a sob. I ran back to my room and closed my door softly. That night I cried myself to sleep and vowed that I would fix myself.  

‘Doesn’t look like I’m doing a very good job.’ I mumbled to myself and pushed back on the swing.

“Good job of what?” A voice cut through the air from beside me. I shrieked, jumped to my feet and grabbed my bag quicker than I had ever moved in my life. I looked for the source of the bold voice and found a chuckling Ashton Irwin.

“You scared the crap out of me.”

“I thought you knew I was here.” He said pushing himself on the swing.

“You didn’t say anything.” I challenged him.

“That’s because you were too lost in your thoughts.”

“So how could I have known you were there?” I asked crossing my arms over my chest.

“Touché.” He shouted as he pushed himself even higher and chuckled like an over excited child.