Pleuvoir | Eric Coulter

Dalawa

K a r o l i i n a

The plate of warm eggs in front of me made me want to vomit.

"Karoliina," My hands unconsciously formed themselves into tight fists under the table at the sound of my name, "Are you ready for the Choosing Ceremony?"

I sighed, gazing outside the window and seeing water drizzle from the sky. Huh, it seemed like it was sad for me, too. 

Frowning, I looked back at Dahlia and replied with a soft voice, "I'll be back in just a minute."

I raced out of the house and into the pouring rain, ignoring the umbrella by the door. Dahlia was awfully silent as I went out.

I guess that's because I just gave her my longest sentence.

∞

There was a puddle a couple of feet away from me.

I stopped in my tracks, feeling the rain seep into my clothes and making it heavier in weight. I saw lightning flash as I pondered silently. Puddles made me see my reflection... should I go and?--

No.

My mind chastised at me, but my heart was arguing. It has been a month since I last saw my reflection, surely it wouldn't hurt to see what I looked like now. Maybe I can imagine their  faces whilst seeing mine.

Damn it, my heart was winning the fight.

With a heavy sigh, I walked towards the puddle and cautiously peered in.

Dark bags under light brown eyes, pale sickly skin and knotted black hair. Chapped and dry lips, cheekbones sticking out strangely on my face. I could see ribs jutting out from my now soaking dress.

Was that really me?

Mortified, I stepped back from the puddle. I looked horrid.

I don't think I'm going to see a mirror soon.

∞

The ride to The Hub was unbearably slow.

The bus was silent like usual, with all seats occupied by Abnegation families and their 18 year old children. Dahlia sat beside me, holding tightly onto the seat before her until her knuckles turned white.

She had motion sickness.

"You know," I blurted out before I could stop myself, "We should've just walked. I don't like seeing you sick."

Dahlia widened her eyes. She was just as shocked as I.

Who wouldn't be? I just initiated a conversation and showed an emotion--care.

Heat burned my cheeks. My hands twitched whilst my toes curled against my flat grey shoes. Oh god, why did I have to open my mouth?

"And you know, Karoliina," Dahlia croaked, "Your mother said that to me once, too. We were riding the bus like you and I are, and I was getting light headed from all the bus' movements. Your mother, as kind as she was, told me to never ride the bus ever again. She told me that she didn't like seeing me sick."

Unexpectedly, my eyes watered. I turned my gaze out the window, seeing the remnants of the buildings that used to be beautiful back in the day, back before the war happened.

I didn't know what to say to Dahlia when she mentioned my mother.

I, myself, didn't know the woman. I didn't know what she looked like, how her voice sounded, or if she liked the rain like I do. Same goes to my father. I didn't know which part of me I inherited from him, or if he made a face whenever someone gave him a carrot like me.

What were their hobbies? Did they had that wicked sense of humour most Abnegations lacked? What factions did they transfer from? Did they... did they love me?

I wanted to cry.

The bus suddenly came to a halt and one by one, all its passengers went out of the vehicle and stepped into the grounds of The Hub. I wiped my eyes as I followed Dahlia into the big, wide entrance doors and scurried behind her as she led me into our seats.

Whispers and soft murmurs filled the entire room of The Hub. People in blacks, whites, reds, yellows, blues and greys were scattered everywhere. The ones who were about to choose their factions were consoling their families. I looked away, feeling slightly guilty.

Dahlia didn't seem to need comfort.

Averting my eyes, I stared at the five bowls that laid atop a long white table in the centre of the podium. One bowl had lit coals in it, the symbol for Dauntless. Dauntless, the warrior faction, was the place for the brave and for the people who believe that cowardice was the reason society falls.

I also saw the earth-filled bowl for Amity, the faction that believes in peace and compassion. Amity believed that violence was not the way to achieve harmony in the society. The bowl for Candor was present, too. It had clear glass inside it, which the Candor believe resembled honesty--the thing they valued above anything. They believe that honesty is the way to gain order in the society.

There was also the water-filled bowl as the symbol for Erudite, the intelligent. The Erudite were the people who thirst for knowledge and seek answers to every question. They believed that naivety will become society's downfall. And last, the bowl for my very own faction, Abnegation. Abnegation believed that to have peace in our society, everyone should let go of their selfish desires and help less-fortunate people. We believed that being selfless meant you are doing good in this world.

The thing that struck me the most, though, was the gleaming cutlery beside the bowl for Dauntless. It was the knife the 18 year olds had to use to cut their palms before pouring their blood over the bowl of the faction they wished to live in for the rest of their lives.

When Jeanine Matthews, leader of Erudite, walked towards the centre of the podium in her pristine blue clothes, my mind became blank.

What bowl would I spill my blood into and seal my fate?