Pleuvoir | Eric Coulter

Dalawampu

K a r o l i i n a

It fucking stings.

My eyes tightly shut close when Eric inserts the needle into my neck. I am stiff as a board, and for a second I think of Beatrice and if her reaction to the syringe is similar to mine. Maybe that is the reason why they call us Stiffs.

Stiffs weren't supposed to be in Dauntless.

"Don't be afraid." It takes me a few moments to open my eyes and stare up at Eric. My terrified orbs meet his surprisingly warm ones, and I am thankful that Four cannot see our interaction because he is standing near the monitor.

"Relax. Allow the fear to go by. Don't let them control you."

Although I am very grateful for his whispered advice, I cannot help but dwell on the irony of his words. They are too late. The fears, I've allowed them to control me. I've allowed them to live in my head and now they reside there forever.

Now, I call them demons.

∞

There it is again.

That suffocating feeling around my neck, the cold, rough hands pulling at my feet. Darkness invaded my vision a long time ago, and it feels like it's eating me alive.

I am being dragged closer and closer to the Chasm, where I can hear the strong current of the water below. I shiver when I think of falling into the dark abyss, falling to my death.

The two figures standing above me are faceless, only adorning an endless pit of darkness. One has short black hair, similar to mine, and the other has her curly blonde hair tied in a neat bun. I know who these people are--well, at least who they represent. I don't know if they actually looked like that.

They are my parents.

They do not move as the pulling on my neck and feet continues. They just stand and face me, and I don't know how I should feel. Do I kick around the forces dragging me? Do I shout in my loudest voice? Do I try to convince them to help me?

In the end, I slump. I relax my body and let them carry me away like a rag doll.

My parents are gone and I have to accept that. I can't change things.

With that thought, I stare at my 'parents' with a blank look on my face.

***

Why is it so dark?

I wave my arms around, trying to locate a switch that could perhaps give me some light, but nothing. Darkness coated the entire room I am in.

Squeak

I bite my lip at the sound. Shit.

The room slowly lights up, and soon rats appear in my vision. I scurry to climb an elevated place, but no platform or things like that are found.

There are more than a dozen rats baring their rotting teeth at me. They hold a devious look in their beady eyes, and one by one they start to sink their teeth into my boots.

I scream with all my might, kicking so hard that I slipped on my heel and fell. The rats circle my body immediately, wanting to gnaw my flesh. Tears start to pour on my face. I can't die like this.

Allow the fear to go by.

My ears ring at the words. I suddenly forget about the rats around me, how they're about to bite my flesh.

Don't let them control you.

And just like that, a light appears and hurriedly, the rats scram away from me.

***

"D-Dahlia?"

I choke up her name, sweat forming on my forehead. What is she doing tied up on a chair?

She doesn't answer, and her eyes look up to me as if she is proud of me... even when seeing the gun in my hands.

"Dahlia, get away." I try to say firmly, but my voice cracks in the end.

I feel another gun press against my head. The cool metal meets my scalp, and my blood runs cold in my veins.

"She's a traitor. Kill her or I kill you."

The voice is vaguely familiar, but I do not think much about it. How can I when I am ordered to kill my mother?

Dahlia is trying to hide it, but she is shaking. Her eyes dart from me and to the man behind me. Her lips strain into a smile, and her cheeks threaten to give up and make a frown.

"Shoot her now!"

Without warning, I raise my hand up, press the gun's barrel to my temple, and shoot myself.

∞

When I wake from the simulation, Eric's chest great my vision and I feel his hands on my shoulders, pushing it down to the chair. My hands are fisting his shirt and my head is lolling from side to side, watching for any sign of Dahlia.

"Karoliina." I continue to fidget, fighting Eric as Four comes to our place.

"Fucking stop!" I do, now that Four has his hands on my arms, preventing me to move.

Eric sighs angrily, pinching the bridge of his nose. His eyes are closed, his jaw clenched.

"She's the last one," Four mutters quietly, "I can check her to the infirmary for a breather whilst you go to your apartment and rest. I can--"

"Shut up." Eric snaps, looking at Four with hard eyes. Then, he directs his attention to me, "You, stand. I'll take you to the infirmary."

Although I shake, I do as the leader tells me. It's hard to see with the tears in my eyes, but I manage to follow Eric out of the simulation room.

I wonder why we do not follow the way to the infirmary, but Eric doesn't give me time to ask because he steers me to the stairs and up to the roof.

"You'll just go up here anyway." His voice is soft and gentle.

I shakily breathe out, stepping closer to Eric. I may get deduction of points for this, but it's worth a hug. A hug that I desperately need right now.

"C-Can I... embrace you?"

His arms circle around me not even a second later, and I am thankful that my face is pressed to his chest.

He can't see how I'm blushing and crying at the same time.