We do this Together

Chapter 7: Letters

Clarke

Clarke starred at her unopened letter at the foot of her bed, curiosity wanting to open it but determination to not; if she opens it, he's really gone and she can't live with his blood on her hands. Looking over to Octavia, she grasps it to her chest taking in the scent- the faint linger of Bellamy's smell.

Choking up, Clarke realized her cheeks were wet and she coughed awkwardly, not wanting to show any weakness: Lexa was right. No words could describe how she felt, it would be like trying to fix a mirror: It's pretty at the start, but once it cracks and falls to bits it became useless and takes forever to mend, but it does..and once it does, it may work fine but you can still see the cracks through the reflection and you can't mend them because they are permanent scars, drilled into your soul. You can't fix that stuff. Only shut it out.

The only problem, is that when Clarke tries to shut it all out and forget it: she sees him. She knows that nothing will be the same. She need him like oxygen. Like the food she eats and water she drinks. And now he's gone. And she has to live with that.

The two girls lived in silence for several moments, eventually Octavia broke it.

"Do you think he's really gone. I mean u didn't read the letter so I just thought that u think he's alive." She asked carefully

"I want to say yes and hope that he's alive.." Clarke drifts off," But I know I'd be kidding myself. I hope O, I really do but it just seems like every time I hope for something it- it never works out."

Without a word, Octavia nods to her in agreement even though Clarke's eyes are plastered on the tents flap in front of them. Suddenly, Clarke is getting up and waking straight towards it.

" I need some fresh air." She tells her as she makes her way out of her tent. Quickly, Octavia follows.

" Clarke wait!" Octavia calls after her as she storms to the gate, struggling to keep the tears invisible from the human eye.

" What O?" She groans as she turns to face her

" Where?"

" To the lake, I won't be long Okay?Just- your in charge until i come back. And don't do anything stupid either." Clarke tells her and before she lets her answer she's at the gates ready to go.

As Clarke walked through the gates of Arcadia, she felt a familiar tug on her arm- pissing her off even more.

"Clarke!" The voice called her, his hair blowing in the wind with a look of both surprise and concern

"What do you want Finn?" She asks, not really bothered

" Are you really going after him?" His questions infuriates her, why should it be any of his business, she can do as she pleases.

" That's none of your damn business Finn." Clarke says darkly

"Clarke, I'm sorry" She snorts at his feeble tempt of an apology

" Which part? The part you forgot you had a girlfriend, when you were sleeping with me? The fact that you played me? Or just because your harassing me?" Clarke states

" I'm sorry for being a jerk." He replies, sadness in his eyes. Although Clarke knows his apology is somewhat sincere, she can't deal with him- not right now.

" Jerks an understatement." She almost whispers

"At least tell me where your going?" He pleads but Clarke doesn't budge

" Like I said, it's none of your business. If your that worried, I'm not going after him. Not because I don't want to but because I have people to look after." She states firmly," I'll be a few days." With that she turns away from his and steps through the gates, hoping that next time she does, she won't have to force a smile through the cracks of destruction on her face.

"Open the gates!!" She yells and the guards immediately obey her.

She has one thing on her mind, and it's that damn waterfall.