The Messenger

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

“Mr. Bauer can you please answer the question I have asked you.” I blinked repeatedly snapping myself out of the daze state I once was in. After I made sure my thoughts were clear enough I focused my attention back on Dr. Ren Kawamoto, the court-appointed psychiatrist who is currently evaluating my mental state of mind. He’s a middle-aged Korean man about half of my height with wire rimmed glasses and beady black eyes. Even though his face holds no real expression I could see the judgement in his eyes. He tried to reassure me that this a non-judgmental place and he is only here to ask questions, but I know differently. I know beneath the facade he has up is a normal human being with normal human being thoughts. Dr. Ren Kawamoto has had to review my file, he knows every little detail out me, well everything that I have told the system that is.

After Caroline left me in the visiting room that day I had barely had time to process what just happened. The one thing I thought would never occur happened, my very own sister has turned against me. She has been plotting against me since I left Annabelle, everything I know is a lie. I still can not fathom why she would get with my sworn enemy. They are not only together but plan on getting married. Married for Christ sakes! To add fuel to the fire she had my sweet Rachel in on this sickening plan.

 I don’t want to believe Caroline on this but at this point I have no other choice. If she really did love me she would have exhausted all of her options looking for me but instead she didn't. She wasn't at all concerned about me or what I could be going through. Her selfish ass only wanted the money… Rachel only wanted to be with me for the money. The late nights I would spend holding her close to me, meant nothing to her. I came so close to telling her what I do on numerous occasions. That’s how much I loved and trusted her. She told me her most darkest secrets, secrets she has never told anyone before. I felt honored and privileged that she trusted me out of all people that much. That’s how much I thought she loved and cared for me. But I soon realized Caroline was right, love doesn't exist for me. I’m incapable of finding someone true. Love is nothing but a four letter lie.

One of the guards hauled me from the visiting room after I refused to get up on my own. He roughly shoved me down the narrow hallway to my cell. The entire trek to my cell I couldn't get my mind to silence itself. A million voices whispered things to me that I would rather not repeat. They wouldn't shut up even after I screamed for them to do so aloud. With each voice the next was louder and louder. I began breathing heavily due to the walls start to close in on me. I struggled in the guards hold, I wanted him to let go of me so I could leave before the walls smashed us between them. 

 I think I might have faintly heard him call for assistance but I couldn't be sure. It felt like I was stuck between a bad dream and hell. I closed my eyes and stopped resisting whomever was trying to restrain me, falling back against them for support. They let out a series of cuss words as I went limp in their arms. It probably seemed as If I had passed out but I was still very much conscience, I just could not feel any part of my body. I felt paralyzed, disabled as they practically dragged my limp body back to the right cell. 

Without so much as a second thought they carelessly tossed me on my body bunk. Moments later I heard the door to the cell slam shut. I felt a thud come from beside my “bed”, assuming it was Justin I allowed my eyes to flutter open. He asked me a million questions at a time I barely could keep up. From what I did catch, he suspects that I have been attacked by one of the other inmates yet I have no wounds. I interrupted his non-stop rambling  by simply telling him I needed to speak with his brother right away. Although It took nearly all day for Justin to get a hold of him, he informed him on my current situation.

My lawyer doesn’t know all of the details, I left Caroline out of it. I decided that it wouldn’t make a difference trying to soil her name. The court would never believe me over a well respected pharmacist. She has many friends in the court system that could make any judge look the other way. I’m not stupid either, I know my way around the law as well. The only person in this equation that could possibly match my knowledge on this subject would be Kenny. But as far as I know he is still behind bars in that prison, so Rachel wouldn’t be able to warn him of what I am about to do. I could testify that I wasn’t in the right mind at the time of the killing, it is called the insanity defense. My attorney, Hector, proves to the jury that I am mentally ill, unstable and I couldn’t and shouldn’t be held responsible for my actions. I know what I did was wrong but I had no control over it whatsoever. Whereas the prosecution will try to make me seem like a blood hungry monster that If I am found guilty and released back into this world I will just kill again and again. It’s a long shot but it’s worth a try.