Hidden- An Ashton Irwin Fanfic

Chapter 8-Good Night Kisses && Letters

My car stops just outside of Ashton's house, my heart speeding up.

"Well, good night... I guess." I look over at him.

Being the idiot he is, he walked over to Michaels, not having a ride home. Being the sweet, kind, generous, loving person I am, I offered to be his ride. So here we are, sitting outside of his house at 4 am.

"I guess." He answers.

"Sorry again about tonight." I say quickly, the words flowing out before they could be stopped.

"I told you, it's fine. This is the first time we've really had to deal with other people in social situations, I'd say we did pretty good."

"You're right." I agree. And he is, if there's one thing we're good at, it's being unsocial.

"Aren't I always?" He smiles cheekily.

My eyes roll as a response and he gives me a look of mock hurt.

"Now that... Is going to cost you." He leans over the middle console in an attempt to kiss me, the lights in his house coming on and stopping him.

"Great. We'll continue this later." He mumbles, pecking my lips before unbuckling. "I'll see you later, good night." He says sliding out of his seat into the night air.

"Good night, I love you."

"I love you too." He smiles, shutting the door and jogging up to his house.

Well, that was nice.

I take my car out of park and drive back towards my house, the radio quietly humming in the background.

As I pull into my driveway, I look for any sign of intelligent life inside my house. After sitting there for a second, I decide I'm okay. I walk up to my room quietly, letting out a breath when I close my door. Ninja mode is fun, but it's so hard.

I walk over to my desk and take out a piece of paper and a pen, turning on my lamp and not wasting any time getting to work.

Dear Ashton,

Tonight was... interesting. You just got back from another promotional tour, and Michael had a welcome back party for you guys. It was fun, until I noticed that you were laughing at someone else's jokes. It really hurt me at first, and Michael could tell. He let me go off and calm down without question, isn't he the sweetest? Anyway, I was mad. Very mad. But as the night went on, and now looking back, I don't think I was mad. I mean I was, but I think it was disguising the sadness I felt. When I saw you like that, being able to be happy with someone other then me, it just hurt me. I probably sound so clingy and naïve, but you just got back. I just feel like you would be trying to spend whatever time you can with me, no matter where we are. If I told you that, I know you would just say that you don't want to raise suspicion, which is why I choose to write it on this paper instead.

I don't like it how you are so easily able to hang out with other girls, but I can't. I mean, I know I can, but I can't bring myself to. Every time I meet a new guy, even if he's a friend, I can't form a sentence without thinking of you. I always wonder to myself, "What would I do if Ashton was here?", but that's the thing. You're not here. You're never here. When we first became friends, I always hoped you would make it in the music industry. Once we became closer, it was the only thing I wished for at 11:11. I prayed you would be successful and your dream would come true everyday. But once we became more than friends, and your dream started to slowly become a reality, you began to slip away from me. Now that I have seen what's its like for your dream to come true, I almost feel like I want it to stop. I want this cycle to go away and we can go back to those band rehearsals in basements, and those small bar shows. The ones where I stood in the front row and cheered you guys on. I know this sounds selfish, but it's the only way I can have you. I just want to be around you. I'm tired of the late night calls and the way I hope your show ends just so I can text you. I'm tired of being this secret, kept hidden in the darkest corner you can find. Ashton, I was there with you every step of this dream coming true, until it finally happened. Your dream finally started to become a reality. It's happening so fast, I feel like you just left me in the dust. I wish I could watch everything continue to turn into all you've ever wanted, but you don't want that. You want me, but you don't want me with you. You want my support, but you don't want me in the front row to cheer you on. You just simply want half of me. But Ashton, I'm tired of being split in two. It's all of me or none of me, I hope soon you'll realize that. I love you so much, and I would never leave you willingly, but one day, maybe soon, I might have to. You can't just leave me and pick back up where you left off when you get back. I have a life. I just feel so hopeless.