River Lane

chapter 21

                                                                        Chapter 21

            The tinkling music was the first thing clueing me in to where we were; when the blindfold was removed it showed my suspicions to be right. The large Ferris wheel turned in a slow circle, towering over the rest of the carnival. The giggles and squeals of children were faint but could still be heard. There wasn’t a large crowd, which really just made it that much more fun. It dawned on me how sweet this was and I knew he had to have thought it out further ahead of time than just this morning. I felt a twist in my gut and a guilty sensation. He was really making this hard on me. I couldn’t ruin it for him, I had too much heart.

            He slowly wrapped his arms around my stomach and rested his chin gently on my shoulder. He looked up at the ferris wheel and then tilted his head enough to whisper in my ear. “Was it worth the ride?” I roughly swallowed back my tough decision and smiled, still not looking at him. All I could do was nod my head. His grin grew as he released my waist and grabbed my hand, practically dragging me to the ticket booth at a run.

            He dropped my hand just long enough to dig out his wallet and pay for tickets, before he snatched it back up and headed into the carnival.

            We spent the entire afternoon playing multiple games, riding rides and eating more food than we should have. He won more stuffed animals for me than I could ever dreamed of taking home, so we gave them to random little kids throughout the park. The only one I kept was a small tawny lion that made me think of the lion from Wizard of Oz. I was hoping for a little courage to talk to Pace. I wasn’t sure he was going to take it well. But neither could my mind or my heart. Even if I wasn’t technically dating him, Garrett or anyone else, I felt like a dirty cheater every time I was with any of them.

            The ride home felt like it would take forever. It was easy to be distracted when your stomach was being scrambled on a ride or when playing games and shooting things. However sitting in an almost silent truck gave your mind the space to spread out the millions of thoughts jumbling around and lay them on a flat surface for viewing.

            I noticed a blinking light coming from the floor of his truck, and after closer inspection, noticed it was my cell phone. I had left it in the truck and hadn’t even realized it. I had a text from aunt Claire: just checking in, hope you’re having fun!

And then surprisingly I seen there were 2 missed calls from Allie, and three missed calls from Garrett? What the heck? There were also texts from him: who the hell was that?   Are you ok?   Do you want me to come get you?     Are you ok?    Dammit Nayvee talk 2 me! Everyone keeps telling me to calm down, so I’m going to leave you alone. But we WILL talk about this.    You can’t avoid me 4ever.   I’m sorry.

They were all sent at different times during the day. The last was sent just ten minutes before I picked up my phone.

            “What’s wrong,” Pace asked. It was then that I realized I was scowling. I instantly stopped and looked up contritely at him.

            “oh nothing, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I had left my phone in your truck and I was reading through my messages. I tend to scowl when I’m thinking sometimes.” I gave him a sheepish smile and put my phone in my pocket.

            “I know there’s something bothering you. It’s been bothering you for weeks now. I think it’s the same reason why you’ve been avoiding me.” He looked straight ahead, never looking my way. I argued pointlessly.

            “I haven’t been avoiding you—“, he cut me off.

            “It’s ok Nayvee. I keep hoping that it doesn’t have to do with me, and that you’ll get over it and be with me fully, but I’m wrong aren’t I?” I stared down at my hands, saying nothing. He cursed and slammed his hand down on the steering wheel. The sudden sound shot me up out of my seat. I wasn’t sure what had bothered me more, the angry words that came out of his mouth or the sudden strength shown to his truck. He grit his teeth together for a moment and pulled the truck to the side of the road.

            Opening the door he walked around to the side of the truck and dug into a cooler in the back. Surprisingly he pulled out a cold bottle of water and took a large swig. He stared at the bed of his truck for a moment, and I was frozen. I had no idea what to do. The anger that usually came to me in these situations had momentarily left me and I had no choice but to calmly sit still until he came back. After about two lengthy minutes, he dropped the bottle and got back into the truck.

            “I’m sorry Nayvee,” he said looking dejectedly into his lap. “I shouldn’t have lost my temper. But I can’t lose you.” He shot a heart piercing look at me, which shook my resolve so strongly, I wasn’t sure what I was doing anymore. But no matter the unreasonable guilt I felt, I had to let him down. He started the truck back up, saying nothing to me. As we pulled down the river lane my thoughts started rushing again, coming up with the words to say. As he stopped in front of the house I figured it was now or never.

            “I’m sorry Pace.” He started nodding his head, looked up at the pictures tacked to the roof of his truck and sighed deeply.

            “I was expecting it. I hoped I could change your mind before we ever even needed to have this conversation.” Then as if someone flipped a switch, he turned and grabbed my hand, beseeching me to change my mind. “Just give me another chance. A full chance with no one else involved. I can change your mind I know I can. I’ll do anything in the world for you.” Tears started to burn my eyes, but I was resilient enough to not let them slip out. I took a deep shuddering breath.

            “I can’t love you Pace,” I whispered. He tried to argue with me and as I lost all control I had to yell overtop of him. “I’ll never be able to make myself, and you shouldn’t waste your time on me hoping for something that I will never give you. You need to just accept it as it is.” He stopped arguing long enough to give me a steely look. I leaned in to give him a goodbye kiss on the cheek, but he still wouldn’t give up the fight. Roughly grabbing the sides of my face he pulled me in for a brutal kiss. Feeling like I was being attacked I pushed him away and tried to hit him, all to no avail. Sucking in a tight breath to let out a scream, the drivers’ side door was nearly yanked from the hinges and Jared grabbed him by the back of the head, ripping him soundlessly from the truck. I felt the jar of the vehicle as pace’s body hit the hood with enough force to knock him silly. I was so focused on what was happening outside that I didn’t notice my door opening. I nearly screamed again as I was pulled out of the truck into a set of large welcoming arms. When i realized who it was, the dam broke and the tears started running down my face as I threw myself at him. When he noticed the small rivers gliding down my cheeks, his face turned red and he tried to pull away from me towards the front of the truck. I threw my hands onto his chest with the hope that he would still listen.

            “Please don’t hurt him. Just get me away.” He hesitated only long enough to throw a deadly look in Pace’s direction. Putting an arm around my shoulders he pulled me towards the house. He led me through the front door and straight past everyone in the house. Walking up the stairs, we stopped in front of my bedroom door. He opened the door for me to walk in and then turned to head back outside. I grabbed his hand before he could move and pulled him into the room. I knew if I let him outside, there would be nothing left of Pace but a bloody pulp. I felt the sudden urge to scrub myself clean of the day’s events; To wipe away the black feeling left on me from the unpleasant encounter with Pace.

            “Sit,” I told Garrett, pointing towards the window seat, where I faithfully watched him out my window every morning. The irony wasn’t lost on me. He scowled at the soft suede cushions before looking back towards my now closed bedroom door. “Don’t even think about it. I need to shower. Please promise me that you will stay here until I get out.” Garrett gave me a slight nod before dropping himself down in a big heap on my bed. I rolled my eyes. I didn’t even care as long as he stayed until after Pace was gone.