Finding Myself

Chapter 5

Weeks had passed and Esme had begun to adjust to the farm life. She loved it.
She woke up tired from the previous day, she'd toiled and she didn't find it amusing.
Anna and Phil were sitted at the table as every morning. Today, there was freshly baked honeybread and ham.
Esme sat with a smile, "Good morning" she said, Anna replied but Phil didn't.
The air was tense and Esme looked from Phil to Anna as they ate.
Breakfast was done and Esme rode to the stable with Anna. They soon stopped and Esme turned pale as she looked at Anna for an explanation of the queer behaviour, "Anna, what's wrong? " she asked Anna looked at her after she'd tied the horse.
"Es, I don't know. Phil won't tell me," "the worst you can do to yourself is worry; your awfully pale. Everything will be ok," she said as she held Esme's face in her hands and looked into her eyes, Esme nodded.
They worked in the stable the whole afternoon and Esme simply couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong. A million ideas flooded her head of everything that could be wrong but she couldn't place her finger at one.
Anna dragged some hay to the ninth horse as she turned and looked at Esme who sat on a stack of hay and stared into space, she sighed.
"Alright, I can't bear seeing you run mad, take Ren and go ask Phil what the matter is," she said untieing the horse, ren. (Oh, Esme had learned to ride a horse and had fallen off many times.)
She climbed him and rode to the barn. The place still looked story-like and there where a few workers there. "Boss!" A man shouted, Esme knew the voice but couldn't remember his name. Phil strode to the man as he pointed at Esme and he walked to her grimly.
"You're so pale," he noted stroking her cheek,
"May I talk to you?"
"Concerning my behaviour this mornin'?" She nodded, he sighed.

"I'll have to tell you sonner or later, no need delaying," he said to her and himself.
"It appears your father has been searching for you, lass. He got approval to search Corin and due to my calculations, the guards will be here in a few days and I have no intentions of hiding you."
Her legs gave out but Phil caught her before she could reach the ground. He carried her like a child, her head rested on his chest and her hand, around his neck. She touched her head.
"You-you have to hide me Phillip, please!" She begged as she tried to stand up;
"Stay. I won't do that Esme, I'm sorry." She buried her head in his chest. "There are somethings we simply can't run away from." He said as he walked them to the house.

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Esme walked back and forth in the palour and Phil sat and watched her. Her hand was placed on her chin and she fidgeted with her hair, "you should sit;" he said and she glared at him, he chuckled.
"This is important, don't you see?" She asked, he smiled. Anna walked in and looked at them both, Phil explained what was to happen and Anna fretted along side Esme. "We should hide her!!" She said.
"I won't " Phil said, relaxed
"Then I will,"
"I don't permit you to"
"I'm not asking you're permission Phillip! " she replied angrily, Phil raised a brow and sighed.
" I won't speak of this matter any further" he said as he walked out.

"PHIL!" Anna yelled but he didn't reply
Anna went into her room and shut the door with an audible bang.
Esme sat on the stairs of the house and that day, there was no lunch or dinner.
Evening came and Esme walked out to the lawn and sat on the grass, it pricked her a little but soon mellowed. She sat with Ren beside her, he was her favorite horse, sparkling white and he listened, sometimes.

She heard foot steps behind her and then sat Phil right beside her, "bacon?" He asked as he handed some to her, she took it and began to eat, "how did you get it?" She asked,
"Went over to a friend's house, me and Ann fought so no food for me," he grinned, she didn't return it, he sighed. They stared at the sunset and the retreating workers, "why do you think I won't hide you?" He asked, not turning to face her,
"Perhaps you hate me more than I hate myself" he smiled.
"I don't hate you, quite the opposite in fact." She looked at him with her head creased, "then why?" He asked, she nodded, "well, for one, I'd be lying if I said I didn't know where you were and that'll displease God and nothing's worth that. But another reason is to save you from your guilt." He said and smiled at her slyly.

"God doesn't love me, " she replied after a long pause, "no one does"
"Maybe no one does but God always has. Love doesn't die." She sighed.

"We'd best be heading home, seems like its gonna rain," he said as he stood and helped her up. She took Ren to the stable and it started to drizzle.
Phil stood on the roof as he hammered wood to fix the hole, why he hadn't done it since, I don't know. It was raining heavily now, "Phillip! Get down," Esme shouted; I don't know whether or not he heard her but he stayed up.
Esme went into the house with her hair and clothes soaked, "Anna!" She called, she stepped out of her room with her hands on her hips, "Phillips on the roof! " she said
"Good, the hole'll be fixed,"
"But he'll get hurt!"
"No he won't. He's done this lots of times"
That instant, they heard a slipping sound and a mild thud on the ground; they rushed out and found Phil face down on the ground. "Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!" Esme chanted with fright as a tear rolled down her face
"Help me pull him in!" Anna said and they pulled him into the palour, Anna started a fire. Phil laid motionless on the wooden floor as Anna checked his pulse, he wasn't dead. They put him in bed and he had a horrid fever.
Once in a while, Anna would dip a rag in hot water and clean Phil, she grew very tired; "I'll take over Anna, go to bed," she nodded wothout objection and handed the rag to Esme, " the fool," she said as she left.

Esme covered Phil well enough with three duvets. He shivered and the rain poured endlessly outside, "sh sh, it's okay, you're okay now," she said as she cleaned his face. She held his hand and it was burning, he opened his eyes a little, she brushed his hair away from his face with her hand, "how do you feel?" She asked, he smiled then shivered, "you'll be okay" she said and he held her hand tight as she rested on his chest.