Skye:
For the past couple days, I have been more open to Chris. I didn’t just close him out like I felt like I should do at first. What would be the point of that? That would only put more stress on everybody right? But I was still pissed at him for fucking some bitch in the bed I lay my head on. I mean, if he was going to have the balls to fuck somebody else, he could’ve done it anywhere else in this big ass house. But even if he did do it somewhere else, I still would’ve fussed him out and I still would’ve been pissed. Why the fuck would he bring some other random ass hoe into my house and think it’s okay to just have sex with her? Like… Jordan is in here and Ariel is here most of the time. Why the fuck would you even do that? I rolled my eyes at the picture of him fucking ran through my mind.
I’m so happy it’s the weekend. No work for me. I’m just going to chill on this nice Saturday. But honestly, it seems like these days nobody in this house is ever chilling. I’m always so worked up now, Jordan is disrespectful, Aliya acts weird around me now ever since they came back, and Kid and Chris are always cautious. Like if you didn’t know Kid and Chris, you wouldn’t think that anything was wrong with them but since I know them, I can tell that at all times now they’re ready for whatever is supposedly coming their way.
That’s another thing too. I know that somebody is obviously after Chris. But who? I know bits and pieces of the puzzle but I don’t know enough. How do they expect me to chill out when I don’t even know what the fuck is going on around me? But I just let it go because I didn’t want to add to any of the drama that we already had. But I still wonder. Yall remember the day Laila came to the shop and pulled me outside to tell me something? Well what she told me wasn’t much. I remember her saying that she knows who’s after Chris. That’s all she said. I felt like fucking her up because I felt like she didn’t just know who’s after Chris, I felt like she took part in some shit. But I didn’t know for sure. I also didn’t fuck her up because I wanted to see if she would come back to the shop to finish telling me the rest but I haven’t seen her since that day. Fuck my life right?
I rolled over and stretched. Chris has been sleeping with me these past couple days but we didn’t do anything. We simply laid down. No cuddling. Nothing. Yes, I am being more open to him. But when I say that I mean when it comes to regular, casual conversation. I just don’t feel comfortable being on that level again with him yet. Him leaving affected me more than he probably thought it did. Yeah, yeah he did it to keep us safe but he still lied to me before he left. He told me I wouldn’t lose him immediately but that’s exactly what happened. He didn’t give me no time to prep for that shit. Does he not know that there’s levels to that shit. You can’t just pop up and leave. Also him fucking Tiffany or whatever her name is pissed me off so bad yall just don’t understand. But it seemed like Kid and Aliya didn’t even know Chris was fucking some girl. But whatever…
Chris tried to kiss me yesterday too. I pushed him away. He looked mad at first but then he just shrugged it off. I told him that I wasn’t ready for that yet and he said he understood. His face looked like I was annoying him. It seemed like he felt that I was being too uptight. And if I am being too uptight, I don’t mean it. But it’s just the way that I’ve been feeling lately. I feel like I have to put up all these walls when it comes to him now. How ironic due to the fact that he was the one who started to break down the walls I already had before I met him.
Anyways like I was saying, he still slept in the same bed as me but this morning, he wasn’t in the bed. I swung my legs out of the bed and got up. Yall don’t understand how worn out I feel. I feel like I can just drop dead right now. I dragged myself into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. I used the bathroom before dragging myself downstairs.
